Commentary:
"Oh boy, talk about high stakes! 🤞🎲 Let's hope lady luck is on your side, or else you might end up celebrating your next anniversary in the doghouse! 🐶😅"
371 Funny ever quotes
If I’m ever found dead in the woods, it’s probably because I was trying to pet a bear.
Commentary:
"Note to self: Bears are not fluffy cuddle buddies 🐻 Better stick to petting kittens next time, much safer and less likely to end up as a woodland creature's lunch! 😅"
If you ever get locked out of your house, talk to your lock calmly. Because communication is key.
Commentary:
🔑 "If you ever find yourself locked out of your house, don't panic! Just strike up a friendly conversation with your stubborn lock. Remember, communication is key in all relationships – even with inanimate objects!" 😉 Unlock your way back in with some smooth talk!
The closest I have ever come to bungee jumping was when I was born.
Commentary:
Well, talk about starting life off with a bounce! 🤸♂️ It seems your adventurous spirit kicked in right from the get-go! 💥 Just remember, life is one wild ride with plenty of ups and downs — no bungee cord required! 😉👶
(Making small talk with a couple) So have you guys ever cheated on each other?
Commentary:
"Whoa, diving straight into the deep end of the relationship pool, are we? 💔💬 Better buckle up for this rollercoaster of a conversation, folks! 🎢😂"
I wonder if my date ever found her way out of that corn maze.
Commentary:
I hope she didn't take a wrong turn and end up permanently residing in the corn maze! 🌽 Let's hope she made it out in time for your next date, or else your love story might turn into a corny horror movie! 🎥😄
Ever since I was a little kid, I knew that I wanted to be late for work.
Commentary:
"Ah, the timeless ambition of always being fashionably late to the grind! ⏰😄 Who needs punctuality when you can make a stylish entrance, right? Just blame it on your 'inner child'! 😉 #FashionablyLate"
If I ever went to jail for murder, it would be for murdering my printer.
Commentary:
"I swear, officer, it was self-defense! That pesky printer was just asking for it with its constant paper jams and ink cartridge tantrums! 🔪🖨️💢 #PrintersGoneWild"
Please, if you ever offer me a snack and I say no, ask me again, I didn’t mean it the first time.
Commentary:
"Note to friends: when offering snacks, remember the golden rule – persistence is key! 🍿🍫 Don't take no for an answer, because deep down we all secretly want that second helping 😄 #SnackAttack"
I hope none of the people I vowed to “help hide a body” ever actually need my help.
Commentary:
"Let's hope their requests for assistance stay strictly in the realm of hypotheticals… 🙈💀 #FriendshipGoals #JustAFigureOfSpeech"