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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

Someone from 🇪🇬 has copied:

Just spent a couple seconds concerned about the sounds my stomach was making before realizing it was a motorcycle outside.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

If you scroll Twitter long enough, you too can burn calories by shaking your head.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I hope “be the light you want to see in the world” doesn’t refer to Molotov Cocktails.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

Sneaking up behind people and marrying them.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

Relationship rule: If the woman has told something and the man doesn’t remember, the man hasn’t listened. If the man has told something and the woman doesn’t remember, the man has never told it.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I give such good nudes that nobody ever needs to ask me for a second one.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on YouTube:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Seen just now on Messenger:

You’re telling me this moron’s on oxy.

Breaking via Slack:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

I would pay extra for a dental hygienist who was comfortable with silence.

Live now on Discord:

I talk to myself mostly because I am an excellent listener.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Making waves on YouTube:

Bank account nice and empty. Starting the new month on a clean slate.

Freshly posted on X:

“AI is coming for your jobs!” I’d like to see AI get absolutely no work done and then throw their coworker under the bus as soon as their boss asks about it.

Making waves on Twitch:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Trending via Twitch:

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

24 Funny funny thought quotes

More funny funny thought quotes 👇

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

2 months ago

bad, bad thing, brain, brainwashing, funny thought, humor, idea, irony, nice, sounds, speaking, sucks, thing, thought, washing
What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

2 months ago

bear, close, even, food, food source, funny thought, grocery, grocery store, gummy, gummy bear, humor, hunt, i, know, little, live, source, store, stores, survival, thought, where
Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

3 months ago

chicken, eating, food, funny thought, humor, i, just, light, middle, myself, question, red, red light, run, self-reflection, thought
Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

3 months ago

dryer, free, funny thought, great, great idea, humor, idea, put, self-care, thought, wrinkle

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All funny funny thought quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

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Social Media Stars ⭐

51 shares on Facebook this month:

Note to self: No more bitching about ugly furniture with people at IKEA whose home you haven’t been to yet.

45 shares on Pinterest this month:

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

88 shares on Discord this month:

I’m on this new diet where I don’t consume anything that talks to me before the first coffee.

85 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

You used to calm me on my cell phone!

21 shares on Threads this month:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

49 shares on Instagram this month:

If your name is “Guy”, you have lazy parents.

55 shares on Reddit this month:

Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

My body’s check engine light has been on for years.

70 shares on Facebook this month:

I need to be more disciplined and stop procrastinating, starting tomorrow.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇰 has viewed:

If you comment to say “No comment,” you have, in fact, commented.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

Men make it so easy to hate them.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Everyday I wait for a vampire to seduce me.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has shared:

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

“I’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

Let’s tell the truth cell phone. I don’t have six missed calls. I have six ignored calls.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

My anxiety is chronic, but my overthinking is iconic.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

Normalize saying “better you than me” to people who keep complaining about everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Threads:

Egg nog was invented in Germany back in 1816 when Baron von Heldebrandt reportedly said “Hey guys, let’s get this custard drunk!”

Making waves on TikTok:

Student life is all about convincing your parents that you are studying, convincing your friends that you are not, and convincing yourself that you’ll study from tomorrow.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Home is where you can walk around like a bum.

Trending via Instagram:

Real lovers are currently single, by the way.

Going viral on Slack:

Being an adult means your pain never goes away, it just migrates to a new location in your body.

Trending via Slack:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Going viral on Instagram:

I’m homeless. Minus the ‘m’.

Making waves on YouTube:

Kinda in the mood to let my feelings impair my judgement.

Making waves on Threads:

That fight could’ve been an email.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

It’s strange that we say time is a great healer when it kills 100% of people.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

24 Funny funny thought quotes

More funny funny thought quotes 👇

It sucks that brainwashing is a bad thing, because generally speaking the idea of washing my brain sounds so nice.

What if they close grocery stores and we have to hunt for our food? I don’t even know where the little gummy bears live.

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Wouldn’t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer and come out wrinkle free?

All funny funny thought quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨