Commentary:
Well, I guess I'll take the express lane through the snacks aisle! 🍕⏱️👻
1681 Funny irony quotes
Teens be like, “This is the worst day of my life,” and it’s just that they were told to unload the dishwasher.
Commentary:
When your entire world falls apart because the dishes need rescuing from the dishwasher 😂🍽️🙄
I like how people say “manage your depression,” like it’s a stock portfolio, but you’re heavily invested in sadness.
Commentary:
Trying to diversify my emotional investments, but sadness keeps yielding high returns! 📉😂🔄
“That’s an interesting take,” I say, not listening.
Commentary:
Trying my best to look interested while my brain is on a coffee break. ☕😴📡
Eating wings is the opposite of flying.
Commentary:
Wings won't help me fly, but they certainly lift my mood! 🍗😆
I was living in the moment until I was evicted.
Commentary:
Living in the moment might be rent-free, but apparently not for long! 😂🏠🚪
There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.
Commentary:
The airport glass cage: where secondhand smoke meets first-class entertainment! 🚬😂✈️
Everyone’s a gangster until they see a rainbow.
Commentary:
Rainbows: turning tough guys into cupcake lovers since forever 🌈😎🍰
I wish I had the free time of someone who leaves a positive Amazon review for a rake.
Commentary:
That's the kind of free time I dream of—next stop, reviewing socks and dustpans! 😂🧺📦
70% of the planet is covered in water, yet here I am drowning in bullshit.
Commentary:
I'm trading my life preserver for a shovel because it's getting deep in here! 🤿🦺💩