Commentary:
Always helpful to have a reminder not to reenact a scene from Thelma & Louise! 🚗💨🤣
1681 Funny irony quotes
My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.
Commentary:
Apparently, this freelance pet food critic is finickier than Gordon Ramsay with a fish dish 😹🐟🛍️
When people say they’re speechless, I always hope they mean it, but they never stop talking.
Commentary:
Looks like "speechless" comes with a warranty for unlimited words 🚫🗣️😆
Grant me the serenity to supernaturally change the things I cannot accept.
Commentary:
When you can't find your keys and consider hiring a magician instead of searching again. 🧙♂️🔮🔑
People who live in glass houses should be put on a watchlist.
Commentary:
Sounds like they’ve got nothing to hide… except maybe streak marks on the windows! 😆🔍🏠
I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.
Commentary:
Living blissfully in my own bubble of confusion since forever 😂🤷♂️✨
Sometimes people just need you to be genuine with them, and I personally have no problem pretending to do that.
Commentary:
Pretending to be genuine? I'm a pro at that — my Oscar's in the mail! 🎭😂
I will not accept a hint. I will act dumb until you say it clearly to me.
Commentary:
When it comes to hints, I'm on a strict see-no-clue diet. 🙈🤷♂️🔍
Siblings are proof you can love someone and also dislike them at the same time.
Commentary:
Sibling love: when "I got your back" becomes "I got your back because I pushed you out of the way first!" 😂🤷♂️👫
I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.
Commentary:
Sounds like the writers are on their third cup of coffee and a brainstorming spree! ☕️🎬🤪