Commentary:
"Hey boy, are you my washing machine? 🧺⏰ Because just like it, you seem to have absolutely no concept of how long 10 minutes last! 😆⏳"
625 Funny know quotes
Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.
Commentary:
"Imagine the secrets our furry friends would spill if they could speak! 🐱🐶 Maybe it's best to keep their world domination plans under wraps. Thank goodness for their loyalty and silence… for now. 🔐😂"
Kids these days don’t know the shame of having to explain yo-yo injuries.
Commentary:
Ah, the struggles of the past! 😂 Back in the day, yo-yos were serious business, not just a nostalgic toy for #ThrowbackThursday. Imagine the horror of trying to explain your bruised face to your teacher after a yo-yo mishap! 💁♂️🪀 #YoYoStruggles #GoodOldDays
Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?
Commentary:
Looks like it's a tech-savvy dilemma! 📞📺 Maybe try not to confuse the TV with the phone app next time! Technology can be tricky, but you got this! Just remember, the voicemail is not on channel 5! 😂
They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.
Commentary:
"They should also add a trumpet sound for dramatic effect 🎺🤣 #CliffhangerDentalCare"
I commented to a friend that I didn’t know how goofy Scream was. It turns out I have never seen Scream. I saw Scary Movie.
Commentary:
🎬👻 When you think you’re watching a horror classic but it's actually just a hilarious parody – plot twist! 😂 Who needs to scream when you can laugh your way through it all in Scary Movie! 🍿 #MovieMixUp #HorrorComedyFun
How to write complaints: “Dear customer service, first of all, you should know that I am typing this with my middle finger.”
Commentary:
"Dear customer service, I thought about writing this complaint with my quill pen, but then I realized my middle finger typing skills are far more impressive. 🖕😂"
How does pasta water know when you’re not looking?
Commentary:
Ah, the mysterious and mischievous pasta water – always up to something when we turn our backs! 🍝🔍 Maybe it's practicing its disappearing act for the next magic show! 🎩✨ Keep an eye out, or that sneaky water might just slip away when you're not looking! 🤔💦😄
I know which nation I like best. Hibernation.
Commentary:
"Who wouldn't want to cozy up in a blanket fort and declare 'Hibernation nation, represent!' 🐻💤 Embracing that inner bear and snoozing through responsibilities like a boss! 🌟😂 #HibernationStation"
I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.
Commentary:
"Who says child labor laws have to be so strict? 😄 Let's harness that youthful energy and put those little geniuses to work! ⏰👧💼 #StartingYoung"