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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

First date idea: we walk around a graveyard and guess how people died.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

You can learn a lot about a person by observing their every waking movement from a tree outside their house.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s almost impossible to talk to a girl without flirting with her.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has copied:

If I don’t reply, assume I opened your message, nodded, and then got distracted.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Automated phone system: To speak to a representative, please enter the first twelve digits of pi.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has bookmarked:

I don’t understand people who do things on weekends. You just did things all week. What’s next, more things? That’s how they get you.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

90% of parenting is wondering when you can lie down again.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,389

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

If you drink a lot of water, you won’t have time for other people’s drama because you’ll be too busy looking for a bathroom.

Going viral on X:

It was me, I let the dogs out.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Thinking about writing my own eulogy because I don’t want my loved ones to say I’m a control freak.

Going bananas on Facebook:

You think you’re aging well and then you feel an earlobe hair blowing in the wind.

Breaking via Twitch:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Live now on LinkedIn:

If they cancel the Simpsons, we will no longer be able to see into the future.

Going viral on WeChat:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Just landed via Discord:

Whoever’s praying on my downfall, I appreciate you thinking of me.

Making waves on Twitch:

Laziness is the mother of all bad habits, but ultimately she is a mother, and we should respect her.

Just landed via Slack:

You can make a salad without lettuce if you want, there are no rules.

Funny modern technology quotes

Funny modern technology quotes 🤖💻 bring a laugh to our digital chaos! From glitchy Wi-Fi struggles to endless app updates, these witty lines capture the quirks of living in a tech-filled world 🌐📱. Get ready to smile, relate, and maybe even snort with laughter as we dive into the hilarious side of our gadget-obsessed lives! 😂🔌 #TechHumor #ModernLife

New funny modern technology quotes 👇

The idea that wisdom teeth are just some random glitch that God forgot to patch, so now we have to pull them out with modern technology, is retarded.

6 days ago

dental, dental extraction, extraction, forgot, glitch, God, humor, idea, just, modern, modern technology, patch, pull, random, technology, teeth, tooth, wisdom, wisdom tooth
The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

1 week ago

90s, call, common, common sense, etiquette, horror, horror movy, humor, modern, modern technology, movy, number, numbers, phone, phone call, phone etiquette, phones, scream, sense, technology, unknown, unknown number

All funny modern technology quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

47 shares on Snapchat this month:

Ah coffee. The sweet balm by which we shall accomplish today’s tasks.

97 shares on Telegram this month:

Not to brag, but I don’t need alcohol to send texts I’ll regret.

64 shares on WeChat this month:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

58 shares on X this month:

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

97 shares on X this month:

Don’t throw hate at me, throw money!

98 shares on Telegram this month:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

92 shares on Messenger this month:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Why is bacon called bacon and cookies called cookies if you cook bacon and bake cookies?

46 shares on WeChat this month:

Are you my pinky toe, because I will bang you on all my furniture.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love asking 5 different people for advice then doing what I want.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

17 folks are currently checking 👀

For my birthday, I want everyone to tell me how much they love me and why in immense detail.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t stand when I’m determined to see something in a negative light, and somebody offers a different, healthier perspective. I already made up my mind to be upset. Don’t be rude.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Spoiler alert: Monday doesn’t care about your feelings.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

My only chance at a big house in the country is if I become a rescue dog.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t simply want to kill a mosquito; I want to bite them back over and over to make them itch.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is treating my glasses like they’re not the most expensive thing I wear everyday.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,302

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has copied:

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has copied:

Getting an extra 20 minutes in the day when someone cancels a meeting is like finding a penny on the ground. Not gonna use it for anything, but wow, am I excited.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has shared:

Forgot my glasses, so I’m pointing at a random spot on the menu and hoping for the best.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has downloaded:

Nothing makes you regret an outfit choice faster than when you see teens looking at you and whispering.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has copied:

My biggest fear is waking up and being in the Renaissance era or something. Imagine having the knowledge of hot dogs but lacking the tools to make them.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I don’t have red flags, I have fun facts.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I’m saving money on rent by moving into an abandoned cobweb.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

I’ve just filed a restraining order against reality.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When I moved into my new igloo, my friends threw me a surprise housewarming party. Now I’m homeless.

Spotted on Reddit:

Need a professional way to say, “I do not care, don’t mention this to me again.”

Just landed via Twitch:

I have no prime. I will evolve till I die.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

The secret to my success is everywhere I go I wear a shirt that says STAFF on the back.

Trending via Messenger:

If you have a Roomba, but don’t dress it up in little outfits, then what are you even doing?

Going viral on X:

I see people my age out there climbing mountains and skydiving, and here I am feeling good about myself because I got my leg through my underwear without losing my balance.

Spotted on Reddit:

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Shared recently on Slack:

Manipulative birthday text to an ex idea: thank you for loving me briefly in the way that only you could.

Shared recently on Reddit:

My transformation into a bitter, angry old woman is almost complete.

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