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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Don’t drink to forget me, you’ll end up seeing me double.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

Me passing someone: you slow mule! Me being passed: okay, speed racer!

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

Sorry I’m late, I got here as soon as I wanted to.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

We are all just prisoners here of our phone device.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

My soulmate is probably out there, wondering if there’s life on earth.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has viewed:

Hear me out. A waiting room where the doctors wait.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I’m bored, but not “read a book for fun” bored.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

“I’m disgusted by how many of you still use Spotify. I use a fair trade, ethically conscientious mom-and-pop platform called Apple Music.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Going bananas on Slack:

Mindfulness is out. We’re doing drugs again.

Just landed via Snapchat:

If you are hotter than me, it means I’m cooler than you.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I want to sleep but my brain won’t stop talking to itself.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Breaking via WeChat:

I always thought that aunts had a lot of money. Until I became one myself.

Going viral on Instagram:

A baby cow is called a calf because it’s half a cow. Half cow. Calf. No further questions.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

I am single, please disturb me!

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I’m always sad when my sandwich is over.

Freshly posted on Slack:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

46 Funny new year quotes

More funny new year quotes 👇

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

1 month ago

apologize, humor, i, issues, me, negativity, new, new year, past, relationships, resolution, start, year
New year update: losing everything but weight.

1 month ago

change, everything, fitness, humor, losing, new, new year, resolution, update, weight, year
I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

1 month ago

broken, humor, laws, moving, moving on, nature, new, new year, Resolutions, self-improvement, year
I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

1 month ago

confidence, humor, i, need, new, new year, perfect, resolution, self-esteem, year
Happy new fear!

1 month ago

celebration, fear, happy, humor, new, new year, year
August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

1 month ago

almost, August, Christmas, Christmas shopping, costume, Halloween, Halloween costume, happy, holiday, holiday planning, humor, management, new, new year, next, over, pick, planning, seasonal, seasonal humor, September, shopping, start, time, time management, week, year

For even more funny new year quotes, hit next 👇

All funny new year quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?

45 shares on Discord this month:

I like it when it’s raining, because I can hold my umbrella really low and it makes everyone headless.

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree, my kids are screwed.

100 shares on Twitch this month:

No, it’s totally fine, Grandma. Nobody else needs to use the stairs today.

99 shares on Reddit this month:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

85 shares on Twitch this month:

Being annoying is the most beautiful thing a woman could be.

18 shares on Instagram this month:

Don’t blame the alcohol. You were an idiot before you started drinking.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

30 shares on X this month:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

95 shares on Discord this month:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Shampoo companies need to be clearer when they say “repairs damage”. I cancelled my therapy for nothing.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has shared:

Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they are dead.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has viewed:

I deserve a percentage of your pay if you ever stole any swag from me.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

It’s so rude how many of you have the audacity to be out peopling around whenever I go somewhere.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has downloaded:

What if you went to ET’s planet and all of the other ET’s were wearing clothes?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I’m glad cars were invented. Imagine riding a horse at 3 a.m., coming back from the club.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

One of the best examples of someone posing a question that they already know the answer to is the WeightWatchers website asking me if I accept cookies.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

It’s fun getting room service. I just love eating a $19 hamburger at a desk in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Can we change the phrase “Can I be frank with you” to “Can I be william with you”? I don’t want to be Frank.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WhatsApp:

I hope nobody sees me eating by myself and feels sorry for me. I’m having the time of my life.

Going viral on Instagram:

Not commenting on your girl’s stuff is weird. I want my man barking in my comments.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

If you want your teen to finish her homework, tell her to fold the laundry.

Going bananas on WeChat:

I’ve done the math: If the month had 10 days, I would get by with my money.

Seen just now on Discord:

God knew I’d be too powerful if He made me not annoying to women.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

How is it still this week?

Going bananas on X:

You look like the kind of person who would hit rock bottom and then start drilling.

Going bananas on Threads:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Live now on Telegram:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

46 Funny new year quotes

More funny new year quotes 👇

I don’t wanna start the year with any negativity so if you and I have had issues in the past, apologize to me immediately.

New year update: losing everything but weight.

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

I don’t have a new year resolution, you don’t need that when you’re perfect.

Happy new fear!

August is almost over. September is next week. Time to pick out a Halloween costume and start your Christmas shopping. Happy New Year, everybody.

All funny new year quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨