388 funny parenting quotes - Page 10 - Wordgag

My son is teaching himself Christmas songs on the trumpet, proving things can be both beautiful and annoying.

May 20, 2026

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

May 20, 2026

Sorry, I don’t think I can hang out this weekend, my 4-year-old is still telling a joke.

May 20, 2026

A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

May 20, 2026

Parenting is cheering on your kid’s winning softball team all weekend and then cheering on the Sunday rain for cancelling the rest of the games.

May 20, 2026

Just be good and kind to your children. Not only are they the future of the world, they’re the ones who can sign you into a home.

May 20, 2026

There are two classes of travel: first class and with children.

May 20, 2026

I never oversleep in the mornings. I set an alarm and a back-up alarm. Plus, there’s also a noisy kid once those fail.

May 20, 2026

The most difficult thing you’ll do as a parent is not rearrange the ornaments after the kids put them on the tree.

May 20, 2026

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

May 20, 2026

If you’re curious what the priciest item in a store is just bring a kid along because they’ll definitely find then break it.

May 20, 2026

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

May 20, 2026

Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.

May 20, 2026

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

May 20, 2026

My teen would like you to know I ruined her life when I did her laundry today.

May 20, 2026

Me, gently telling my kids that I ate the rest of the ice cream: Your dad ate the rest of the ice cream.

May 20, 2026

When your children are teenagers, it’s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.

May 20, 2026

Teach a man to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach your kid about stingrays, and he will pretend to sting you all afternoon.

May 20, 2026

I love when women have one daughter as their only child. It’s so incredibly chic.

May 20, 2026

Not gonna lie, toddlers absolutely nailed it with naps, buttered noodles, and rejecting authority.

May 20, 2026

No parenting book prepares you for the stank of your kid’s soccer bag.

May 19, 2026

The more I use social media, the more I see why children shouldn’t.

May 19, 2026

I love spending my parents’ money, they must pay for bringing me into this world.

May 19, 2026

I can’t believe bedtime used to be a punishment.

May 19, 2026

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

May 19, 2026

Eventually, kids get old enough to see which parent was the problem.

May 19, 2026

My favorite part of parenting is when the kids are bored enough to entertain themselves, but getting to that point is excruciating.

May 19, 2026

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

May 19, 2026