388 funny parenting quotes - Page 9 - Wordgag

It’s important to set an alarm the first day of school, so you remember to pick up the kids.

May 20, 2026

Don’t ever get excited if your kid likes a new food. They won’t like it tomorrow.

May 20, 2026

My kid asked where babies come from and I said everywhere, man, they’re worldwide.

May 20, 2026

Toddlers be like, we can do this the hard way or the harder way.

May 20, 2026

Your child learning to say mommy is when your life begins and ends.

May 20, 2026

Sometimes I rock it as a parent, other times I drop my phone on my sleeping child while taking a picture of it. It’s called balance.

May 20, 2026

Are you even a parent if you’ve never carried your child out of a store sideways like a surfboard?

May 20, 2026

In my house the roles are reversed cause my kids tell me to turn my music down.

May 20, 2026

I hate when my kids ask me impossible questions like: What day is it?

May 20, 2026

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

May 20, 2026

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

May 20, 2026

I always tell my kids that it’s okay to make mistakes just as long as you learn how to blame them on other people.

May 20, 2026

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

May 20, 2026

My youngest started kindergarten today and I cried, but mostly for his teachers.

May 20, 2026

A diamond is forever, and so is my teen’s grudge against me for some random stuff every other day.

May 20, 2026

Part of fatherhood is becoming an expert in some obscure topic and teaching it to your children who stopped listening 30 minutes ago.

May 20, 2026

My neighbors were yelling so loud at their kids to clean up their room that out of fear even I started cleaning my room.

May 20, 2026

The easiest way to shop with kids is not to.

May 20, 2026

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

May 20, 2026

My teen being nice to me is getting really expensive.

May 20, 2026

Apparently the thirstiest creature in the whole world is always a kid who’s been told to go back to his bed like a hundred times.

May 20, 2026

Shoutout to my kids because they aren’t listening!

May 20, 2026

I wish I loved anything as much as my two year old loves pulling my pants down.

May 20, 2026

Strict parents raise good liars.

May 20, 2026

You know you’re the father of teen boys when a shoe print on the ceiling no longer fazes you.

May 20, 2026

Have to write a note to my kid’s first grade teacher, and now I’m stressed out about my handwriting.

May 20, 2026

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

May 20, 2026

Parenting is yelling ‘you just had a snack!’ over and over until you give in and throw them another snack.

May 20, 2026

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.

May 20, 2026

The only joke my mom ever made was me.

May 20, 2026

Today in who needs an alarm: my kid woke me up early by scream-whispering WHAT IS DUST?

May 20, 2026

Just said “shitted feet” instead of “fitted sheet” in front of my my son and his friends. If you need me, I’ll be in the closet.

May 20, 2026

Having children is a pyramid scheme.

May 20, 2026

When I tell my kids I’ll do something in a minute, what I’m really saying is “Please forget.”

May 20, 2026

Stranger: Your children are angels. Me: So was the devil.

May 20, 2026

Today I told my daughter she’s giving me a headache! She told me “For suggestions and complaints, contact the manufacturer.”

May 20, 2026

90% of parenting is just thinking about when you can lie down again.

May 20, 2026

A perfect parent is a person with excellent child-rearing theories and no actual children.

May 20, 2026

My kid is turning out just like me. Well played, karma. Well-played.

May 20, 2026

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

May 20, 2026