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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Everyone’s an expert after the fact.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

I was not made for a 9 to 5; I was made to eat pasta and lay in the sun like a lizard.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Went to the hairdresser today and now I look much younger. I’m thinking about going back tomorrow.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Study so hard until Dior is like Shein to you.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

If at first you don’t succeed, it’s only attempted murder.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has shared:

I was in a good mood until I realized not only was it not Friday it wasn’t even Thursday.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

When people talk about enriching their lives, I assume they’ve found a way to add more cheese.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

Remember when you could lay in one position for hours, now you have to rotate like a rotisserie chicken every 15 minutes or a hip hurts.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

804 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,966

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,966

Updated

39 minutes ago

Users Online

3,437

Social Media Log 💫

Reported on Slack:

Is it a good sign when your therapist keeps saying Ka-Ching?

Making waves on X:

Technology has gone too far, man. My roommate is logged out of his lightbulbs because he forgot his password.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Just shared via Telegram:

Yes, I make bad decisions when I’m drunk. But I wouldn’t say that the decisions I make when I’m sober are any better.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Freshly posted on WeChat:

8 planets, 204 countries, thousands of islands, 7 seas, 8 billion people, and I’m single.

Reported on Messenger:

Did you know 17 muscles are activated when you’re crying? Fitness is my passion.

Making waves on X:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Making waves on Twitch:

If you pass out in front of your kids they will either try to call an ambulance or use you as a trampoline. You just don’t know.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

When I die, I want to come back as a speed bump so I can piss people off.

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

804 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,966

Funny Quotes Topics

13,930

Funny Quotes Images

10,966

Updated

39 minutes ago

Users Online

3,440

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Weekends are a scam. You spend one day exhausted and the other anxious… like, what was that?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has bookmarked:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Yeah, I work at the fart bar. Yup. I’m a fartender. Farts on me tonight!

Someone from 🇨🇲 has bookmarked:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has shared:

When people suck the life out of you, they should take some fat too.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

For Halloween I will go to the beach dressed as a french fry and let the seagulls destroy me.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has shared:

I use a headshot from 2008 on my LinkedIn to prepare future employers for disappointment.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Instagram:

Dad Hack: Get your teen’s attention instantly by pre-heating the oven.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

Your brain needs exercise just as much as your body does. That’s why I think of running everyday.

Spotted on YouTube:

If you ever need me, I’m always just a couple missed calls and text messages away.

Shared recently on Instagram:

The lion does not concern himself at all. The lion is depressed.

Just shared via Slack:

Maybe dogs are smarter than us because they found a way to get fed and housed without having to go to college and get a job.

Reported on LinkedIn:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Seen just now on TikTok:

I’m often mistaken for an adult because of my age.

Spotted on TikTok:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

Making waves on YouTube:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Shared recently on Instagram:

“It’s bikini season,” I whisper, eating another bikini.

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