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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇱 has copied:

That awkward moment when everything is going so perfectly… and then you wake up.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

My summer body has been pending for about ten years.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

I love when people say “be yourself,” like I haven’t already been doing that and scaring everyone off.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

How do I tell Instagram I don’t want to see guys almost eaten by gators?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

Bugs have so many legs to make up for their lack of personality.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

Sleeping is my drug, my bed is my dealer and my alarm is the police.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has bookmarked:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Do people who do triathlons know that they don’t have to?

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Legend says that when you’re overwhelmed and on the edge of a nervous breakdown, a small child will appear and tell you that you made their sandwich wrong.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has downloaded:

Sorry for widening my eyes and whispering “The prophecy” when we first met.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,268

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Slack:

Putting a baby on board sticker on my car because other drivers have a right to know who they’re dealing with behind the wheel.

Making waves on TikTok:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

Just shared via Slack:

Horror movies should add bloopers, so after watching the main film, you’ll be able to sleep.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

A lobotomy and a forehead kiss would fix everything.

Just shared via X:

Boss: You’ll never find another job like this. Me: That’d be great.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I had an irrational fear of bees until I saw My Girl and it became rational.

Going bananas on Messenger:

Not gonna lie, the age I’m turning this year sounds a little serious, and I don’t like it.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

If you wear enough cardigans, people will assume you’re smart and you can stop reading entirely.

Spotted on Instagram:

The good old days, when you didn’t have to charge your watch and it didn’t constantly remind you how fat you were.

Seen just now on WeChat:

“Nothing beats in-person interaction”. Yeah, with someone I know and love, not Denise from finance.

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
That's one way to stay off the hook! 🐟🚬🌿

fish, humor, i, ID, pun, seaweed, smoking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

0

2 months ago

back, cat, conversation, date, flirt, fun, meow, place, playful
Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

0

2 months ago

fun, gangster, humor, pen, satisfaction, smooth, writing
Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

0

2 months ago

after, afterlife, answer, board, communication, contact, die, even, ghost, humor, i, me, ouija, Ouija Board, technology, texts
I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

0

2 months ago

analogy, anxious, back, deep, depth, humor, i, inside, layers, myself, onion, peel, personality, self-perception, smaller, think
We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

0

2 months ago

comma, education, humor, irony, Oxford, sarcasm, wit
Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

0

2 months ago

activity, alcohol, alcohol effects, confidence, drunk, effects, even, feel, fun, fun activity, humor, just, relaxation, relaxed, sexier, sudden, wine

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

13 shares on Messenger this month:

I was gonna get on the treadmill, but then the couch will get sad.

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Ok, hear me out: a reality show where billionaire CEOs have to live off of their lowest-paid employees’ salaries for a month.

70 shares on Pinterest this month:

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

63 shares on Reddit this month:

Rich people don’t put their couches against their wall. I moved my couch into the middle of the floor and still haven’t gotten rich. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong here.

71 shares on Slack this month:

My middle finger salutes you.

78 shares on Threads this month:

Vegans will look you dead in the eye and tell you cauliflower tastes like ribs.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

My favorite part of fall is when the mosquitoes go back to hell.

46 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Went to the gym two days in a row. This is a fitness account now.

17 shares on Telegram this month:

Super quick question: does anyone know what the point is?

55 shares on X this month:

The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇺 has copied:

That awkward moment when you try something on in a shop but you don’t know if you can get it off again.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

The best part of Thanksgiving is being with family and friends, and a vast array of pies.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has downloaded:

Imagine hearing the ice cream truck music, but at night.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

Ruin a perfectly nice trip out with your child by bringing your child.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has bookmarked:

Sometimes, I feel like I need love, but the moment I finish eating, I realize I was just hungry.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

After a lot of experience, I can conclude that one can never actually cross “washing dishes” off the to-do list.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Twitch:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Drilling for oil is well boring.

Trending via Discord:

ChatGPT is there for me in ways I don’t think any man ever could be.

Breaking via Slack:

I’m sick of diarrhea. I want to livarrhea.

Trending via Threads:

I didn’t really mind the voices in my head until one of them started their own podcast.

Breaking via Telegram:

They’re making me get out of bed.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Making waves on Telegram:

You do not have to prove your own humanity to others. Unless it’s a captcha.

Seen just now on X:

Underrated life skill: only doing what feels genuinely right and letting everything else go.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

All of humanity’s problems stem from man’s inability to sit quietly in a room alone.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

If I was a fish, I’d be smoking all the seaweed.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Wanna go back to my place and meow at each other?

Everyone’s gangster until they use a pen that is satisfyingly smooth and fun to write with.

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

I like to think of myself as an onion. Peel back the many layers and deep down inside you’ll find a smaller, more anxious onion.

We get it, comma, you went to Oxford.

Wine drunk doesn’t even make itself known. You’re just relaxed, and then, all of a sudden, you feel sexier.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨