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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡² has downloaded:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Being naked with shoes on feels more naked than being totally naked.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡Ύ has viewed:

Homeless man just called me a β€œloser,” and I showed him my house keys.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has downloaded:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

Rock bottom should give me free sandwich and coffee for how often I hit it.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡ͺ has bookmarked:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has viewed:

Now that Christmas and New Year are out of the way, we can focus on the things that really matter: My posts.

Someone from πŸ‡ΏπŸ‡Ό has shared:

Make sure you bury me near a bathroom because death is long, and I’m sure I’ll still have to get up and pee.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡© has viewed:

Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

The most dangerous part of your 50s is those first few steps after prolonged sitting.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,733

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just shared via WhatsApp:

I’m super lazy today. It’s like normal lazy but I’m wearing a cape.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Carrying my phone from room to room like a Victorian woman and her lantern.

Just shared via Reddit:

My parents told me Santa wasn’t real when I was 16. Jokes on them, because I’m at the mall right now, and guess who’s here.

Trending via Facebook:

I’m uncomfortable around tall people. What if they pick me up and put me on their shoulders?

Seen just now on YouTube:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I just felt like you were gonna ghost me, so I did it first.

Shared recently on Discord:

No amount of evidence will ever persuade an idiot.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I know this ain’t smart, but that never stopped me before.

Trending via Pinterest:

If I go quiet, it’s because I am plotting my escape or your demise.

Just landed via YouTube:

Sorry for being weird. It’s just that everything I talk about reminds me of every other thing I wanna talk about, so I try to talk about everything at the same time and explode.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Why do people think it’s ok to ask why a person is single? I don’t ask why you’re unhappily married.

If you love me, please don’t ask me to go camping with you.

Funny text about avoiding camping, highlighting a humorous and playful vibe.
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Commentary:
Camping: where there's no Wi-Fi, but intense bonding with mosquitos πŸ•οΈπŸœπŸ₯΄

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

92 shares on Messenger this month:

No one knows what I’m up to, not even me.

79 shares on Pinterest this month:

Like most people my age, I’m 50.

23 shares on Slack this month:

Justice is a dish best served cold. If it were served warm, it would be just water.

49 shares on Facebook this month:

Welcome to Twitter, where everyone is an expert on everything.

34 shares on Threads this month:

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

64 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I wear sunglasses when I’m driving so nobody knows I’m asleep.

23 shares on Discord this month:

So I got a call from a telemarketer, and he said he couldn’t understand me. I told him, “Press 1 for English.”

17 shares on Slack this month:

Did you know if you hold your ear up to a stranger’s leg, you can actually hear them say, ‘What the hell are you doing?’

57 shares on X this month:

I know it’s traditional to start work at 9, but I think we could lower that age to 8.

57 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Technically, all restaurants are drive-thru, it just depends how committed to the task you are.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

ADHD is when you buy a blender and then make smoothies every day for 2 weeks, and then never make one or even acknowledge your blender ever again.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Half of my problems are because I said “sure” instead of “no.”

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m exactly where I want to be. At home, avoiding people.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I am in favor of equal pay for men on OnlyFans.

11 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

β€œHow is the job search going?” First of all, that is a violent question. And it hurts me, by the way. And second, how the hell should I know.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

We all need to put the phone down, or it’s over for civilization.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m now at the age where sitting cross-legged on the floor is punishable by about three days of full-body paralysis.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m a go with the flow kind of gal unless the flow is after 9pm or involves parallel parking.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I made up all these romantic scenarios in my brain and you’re not following the script.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,360

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

I used to look for monsters under the bed. Today I know they are behind some people’s fake smiles.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡» has downloaded:

The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space.

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has copied:

Anyone else think it’s weird how cancer kills more people than any other astrological sign.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡¬ has copied:

My favorite dinner is the one made by someone else.

Someone from πŸ‡©πŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Have you ever just restarted the dryer because you didn’t feel like folding the clothes yet?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

When you’re late for work, you gotta walk in fast and act like you’re mad.

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡Ώ has downloaded:

When I am calculating any risk, I think to myself: is this first cat life behavior? Or ninth cat life behavior?

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡­ has copied:

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has shared:

Friday the 13th used to mean something. Now every day is awful.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via TikTok:

I visited my doctor today. He told me my sugar was too high. So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf.

Just landed via Twitch:

Me, one week before the new year: Not to brag, but I have enough money to live comfortably for the rest of the year.

Trending via WeChat:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

Going viral on Reddit:

When someone has β€œDo Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Mice after a breakup be like β€œwe are not on squeaking terms”.

Spotted on Instagram:

If you don’t fall in love with me, I’ll write poetry about you and then you’ll regret it.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Every ‘c’ in ‘Pacific Ocean’ is pronounced differently.

Just shared via Telegram:

Software engineers are the dumbest smart people I’ve ever met.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Podcasts are like babies, they’re too easy to create and not everyone should have one.

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