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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Nobody lures you into a gingerbread house in the forest anymore.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

In all the movies, Santa never goes to the house directly next door. He always gets in his sleigh and flies off like 20 miles east.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

The longer I stay home, the more homeless I look.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

I put the “sexy” in “dyslexic.”

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

Most earthquakes could have been an email.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

On my way to HR again for nicknaming my coworker “Mastercard” because they take credit for other people’s work.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Since the beginning of time itself, people have been wondering, what the hell is going on?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Grant me the supernatural ability to change the things I cannot accept.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Please be nice to me. I’m in my twenties. Do you know what that does to a person?

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Sleeping in in winter is really great, you still have about an hour of daylight left before it gets dark again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,453

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Discord:

The wind is about to blow me to Oz, so if you see me flying past your window, mind your business.

Spotted on X:

I think my phone is broken. I pressed the home button, but I’m still at work.

Broadcasted on X:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Sometimes I’ll pause a YouTube video to scroll on reels. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to be loved genuinely.

Shared recently on Threads:

I had bad luck with women twice. The first left me, the second stayed.

Making waves on Facebook:

Long distance relationships can work if the four of you all truly trust each other.

Just landed via YouTube:

Not now, babe, it’s my nightly phone enrichment time.

Just shared via Pinterest:

House sitting for friends while they’re out of town. Never knew my buddy kept a diary.

Shared recently on X:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Making waves on Messenger:

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"When you're equal-opportunity offensive! 😂🚀 #SharingTheChaos"

anyone, bold, comedy, everyone, here, humor, irony, joke, offend, provocative, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

0

2 months ago

beauty, haircut, healthcare, humor, medical, satire, self-care, should, wellness
I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

0

2 months ago

communication, corporate, frustration, humor, i, meant, microsoft, software, Teams, technology, work
Salt is just angry sugar.

0

2 months ago

angry, comparison, food, humor, just, playful, playful comparison, salt, sarcasm, sugar, taste
I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

0

2 months ago

character, even, humor, i, irony, love, narrative, perspective, someone, story, tell, version, villain
I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

0

2 months ago

activity, autograph, best, bible, every, fun, fun activity, hotel, humor, i, JC, prank, religion, wishes
I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

0

2 months ago

chaos, dysfunctional, humor, just, life, life struggles, positivity, self-deprecation, smile, struggles, train, train wreck, wreck

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

85 shares on X this month:

The older I get, I realize my mom was right, but I just didn’t like her tone.

94 shares on Telegram this month:

Out of Office: I am on vacation. Your emails will be forwarded nowhere to be read by no one. Good day.

80 shares on Discord this month:

Nobody will know you’re stoned if you’re always stoned.

17 shares on Facebook this month:

I drive safer when there’s food in my passenger’s seat than when there’s a person sitting there.

70 shares on Discord this month:

Have been dipping my toe into doing Pilates, and let me tell you, women are real sickos.

100 shares on Messenger this month:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, I’m never sending you nudes again.

75 shares on Instagram this month:

You try to fart in the toilet in the morning without waking the whole house and thanks to the brilliant acoustics of the toilet bowl, the horn of Gondor sounds.

29 shares on Snapchat this month:

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

I miss getting my misinformation from less places.

36 shares on TikTok this month:

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right louder.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has shared:

Before they perfected the Q-tip, you have to wonder what kinds of horrific things went wrong with tips A-P.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has viewed:

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Don’t invite me anywhere in the last minute. I enjoy doing nothing, so I need to know ahead of time if my plan to do nothing needs to be changed.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

My head is starting to get dented from hitting rock bottom so often.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

Being late to work should never be that serious. At least I came?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

I’ve never wrestled an angry alligator, but I have taken off a wet sports bra in the middle of summer. So, same thing.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

If a government has online beef with a pop star, it has already lost.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

A peaceful transition of power happening between me and this red wine just now.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Just saw onto the sidelines, they literally have enough footballs for all the players, they’re making them fight over that one for no reason.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

In my 20’s: I want to find true love. In my 40’s: I just want a toaster that gets me.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

Made it to Friday, but at what cost? Monday is literally in 20 minutes.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The secret ingredient to being really funny is childhood trauma.

Just shared via YouTube:

Petition to make check-in at hotels 11am and check-out 3pm, not the other way around. Like, WTF?

Just landed via LinkedIn:

All these self-driving vehicles… It’s only a matter of time before we hear a country song about his truck leaving him.

Seen just now on Facebook:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Just landed via TikTok:

Time machine? You mean a clock?

Making waves on WhatsApp:

You’re old if you’re excited to learn how to play Mahjong.

Trending via Snapchat:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Going viral on WeChat:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I’m not here to offend anyone; I’m here to offend everyone.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Haircuts should be covered by healthcare.

I was not meant for Microsoft Teams.

Salt is just angry sugar.

I love when someone is telling a story and you can tell even from their version that they’re the villain.

I autograph every hotel Bible I find with “Best wishes, JC”.

I’m just another dysfunctional train wreck barreling down the tracks with a smile.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨