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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡§ has viewed:

I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡ͺ has viewed:

Schedule your appointment early in the month before your dentist starts fretting about their next boat payment.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

I’m really good at compromising as long as I get my way.

Someone from πŸ‡¬πŸ‡Ύ has copied:

What’s wrong with the people who come to visit on Sundays? Don’t they have a couch?

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡­ has shared:

My husband has reached an age where he reads the menu out loud. The whole menu. And then he has questions. Please send help.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡¬ has bookmarked:

Every time I have to leave the house and be around people I remember why I hate having to leave the house and be around people.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡΄ has downloaded:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has downloaded:

I nearly broke my toe because the coffee table didn’t look where it was going.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡« has viewed:

Girl, you gotta try this healing potion. It’s called beer.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has bookmarked:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,484

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Just landed via Pinterest:

Giving people access to the internet was a massive mistake.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

If anything goes wrong today, just dramatically whisper, “The prophecy has been fulfilled,” and walk away.

Breaking via Messenger:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

Just landed via Threads:

When you’re a snowman, everything smells like a carrot.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

My dream is being pitted against the world’s greatest AI in a writing contest and crafting a story that’s so beautiful that I make the computer cry.

Going bananas on Threads:

I want to save money, but all I’m saving are memes.

Spotted on Threads:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Spotted on YouTube:

My brain is on airplane mode today.

Spotted on Facebook:

I can now see how sitting on a porch could fill an entire life.

Making waves on Messenger:

You never forget your first kiss. Or your first meeting with HR.

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

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People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.
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Commentary:
Finally, a perk of being short: fewer surprise face hugs from our eight-legged friends! πŸ•·οΈπŸ€¦β€β™‚οΈπŸ™…β€β™€οΈ

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Welcome to Wordgag! πŸ˜‰βœŒοΈ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. πŸ˜‚πŸ’₯

Social Media Stars ⭐

12 shares on TikTok this month:

When I’m behind a slow car, I steer my car a little to the right so the people behind me can see that it isn’t my fault.

92 shares on Reddit this month:

The peace of not knowing.

97 shares on X this month:

I’m not crazy, I’m just mentally spicy.

34 shares on Twitch this month:

Due to unforeseen circumstances, I will be acting weird today.

23 shares on Discord this month:

Perhaps the most universal American experience is your mom being like, β€œWasn’t he such a good dentist? He’s in prison now.”

56 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m glad I have boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me.

20 shares on YouTube this month:

WhatsApp needs to remove that β€œthis message was deleted” notification. It’s unnecessary drama.

11 shares on Reddit this month:

I love ordering things online because when they arrive it’s like a present from me to me.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

To me, essential oils are what drips out of tacos.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

You’re 25, stressing like you’re 40, because you want to be rich before 30, am I right?

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

If you voted for someone because “he’s not a politician”, then I hope your next colonoscopy is done by a plumber.

7 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m gonna build a pirate ship and sail the high seas. Who’s coming with?

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

There will never be a perfect time. Make that mistake now.

15 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Apparently, β€œspite” is not an appropriate answer to β€œWhat motivates you?”

13 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

8 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The only traditional costume people around me wear is sweatpants.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The thing I’ve always found tricky about money is knowing how much I should have.

6 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

IP address? You mean the bathroom?

24 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Why steal office supplies from work when you could take an extra-long bathroom break and steal company time instead?

14 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m not saving daylight. I’m the one that needs saving.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

238 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,507

Funny Quotes Topics

17,572

Funny Quotes Images

15,507

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,618

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡° has bookmarked:

A frittata is just an omelette for people too lazy to flip things.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡± has viewed:

I was living in the moment until I was evicted.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡­ has copied:

Wanna come over and see my mis-matched sock collection?

Someone from πŸ‡°πŸ‡· has shared:

It takes a lot of balls to golf the way I do.

Someone from πŸ‡·πŸ‡Ί has bookmarked:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡Ί has downloaded:

I wish Amazon would stop finding things I might like.

Someone from πŸ‡¨πŸ‡« has shared:

I had a hard time coping with the divorce. I’m fine now, but at first I was almost crazy with joy.

Someone from πŸ‡ͺπŸ‡ͺ has downloaded:

Don’t worry, better days are coming. They are called Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡Έ has shared:

Babe, are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages.

Someone from πŸ‡­πŸ‡³ has viewed:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Trending via X:

My brain logged me out due to inactivity, and I can’t remember the password.

Live now on Messenger:

Monsters can’t hide under my bed. That’s where my cats have their fight club.

Live now on Snapchat:

Gambling is all about getting something for nothing and spending thousands of dollars trying to do it.

Just shared via Discord:

In case anyone hasn’t told you today, I’m beautiful.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

Sometimes I feel useless, but then I remember I breathe out carbon dioxide for plants.

Spotted on X:

If the Beatles were just 4 lads from Liverpool, imagine what 400 lads from Liverpool would sound like. But y’all aren’t ready for that conversation.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Three out of five times, my intuition is right. Not in casinos, though.

Spotted on Slack:

I try not to post too much, to give everyone else a better chance at being seen.

Just shared via Reddit:

I’d stalk me too, I get it.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Women only want one thing, and it’s the power to cast men who tell us to smile right into a pit of giant venomous serpents.

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