Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

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“There are no words in the English language that have all the vowels in alphabetical order,” he said facetiously.

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If barking at nothing was an Olympic sport, my dog would win gold.

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Aliens probably have group chats called Don’t Stop on Earth.

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People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

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Fog. When nature is too lazy to load the complete environment.

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You can just comment, “You two look nice,” on a photo of three people. It’s free and legal.

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Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.