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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

I don’t weigh myself because most scales don’t know how heavy all the grudges I’m holding onto are.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

I love when people find out I meant every word I said.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has shared:

Waking up early is cool until it starts feeling like you’ve had a long day at 10 a.m.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

I eat cake every day because somewhere out there it’s someone’s birthday and I like to celebrate.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

When does hibernation actually begin? I wanna take part this year.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has downloaded:

The best time to start a family fight is now. It gets you out of buying relatives gifts.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Maybe the grass is greener over there because you’re not over there messing it up.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,495

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

“Why does my back always hurt?”, I say, while never sitting upright in a chair.

Spotted on Pinterest:

I’m not a perfectionist. I’m more of a good-enoughist.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

In my defense, Your Honor, I was left unsupervised.

Trending via Slack:

I forgot how to panic. Help!

Going bananas on Messenger:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I’m at the age where I’m more likely to fall asleep at the movie theater than get frisky in one.

Making waves on X:

Tolerate the lactose already, you heathen.

Just shared via YouTube:

Website: We use cookies to improve our performance. Me: Same!

Freshly posted on Messenger:

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The way that we’re constantly told not to eat silica gel makes me suspect that it contains all the world’s forbidden knowledge.

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

5 months ago

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Commentary:
Arriving fashionably late… I mean, what's the point of being on time if there’s no iced coffee to savor? ☕😎✨

arrival, coffee, entrance, humor, iced, iced coffee, knowing, late, lateness, management, poor, punctuality, showing, time, time management

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

0

2 months ago

drug, gambling, life, motivation, people
I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

0

2 months ago

activity, advanced, another, humor, i, observation, people, people-watch, spot, watch, watcher, watching
Ugh, but profoundly.

0

2 months ago

attitude, expression, frustration, humor, irony, remark, sarcasm, ugh, witty, witty remark
You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

0

2 months ago

advice, change, food, humor, life, life advice, past, pasta, wordplay
Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

0

2 months ago

checking, claus, holiday, humor, list, man, myth, real, Santa, skepticism, twice
Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

0

2 months ago

being, focus, humor, job, love, priorities, quitting, relationship, romance

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on X this month:

Got my mind on my money and my money is nowhere to be found.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

This tape doesn’t even taste like scotch.

69 shares on Reddit this month:

My best three minutes of sleep are the ones right before the alarm goes off.

23 shares on Instagram this month:

I don’t understand, “kill them with kindness”; can I use a lightsaber instead?

95 shares on YouTube this month:

Just told my kids it’s illegal to have the light on while we’re driving. I will not break this cycle.

96 shares on Instagram this month:

Overheard the most hilarious conversation on my morning commute, then realized it was just me talking to myself in my car.

61 shares on WeChat this month:

Young people are too young nowadays. Back in the good old days, young people were my age.

66 shares on Slack this month:

I always fear that one day I will enter my house and find a thief, knocked out unconscious by the things fallen on his head from some closet.

58 shares on Telegram this month:

Some people stay in the past because that’s where they peaked.

66 shares on X this month:

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇴 has copied:

Mike is short for Micycle.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has copied:

Blocking him isn’t enough. I need to watch his hairline recede.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

According to my chocolate advent calendar, tomorrow is Christmas.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has bookmarked:

There comes a time in everyone’s life when you hear the newest slang, and you decide that you don’t care enough to know what it means.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Someone from 🇷🇺 has bookmarked:

If they can bring back the dire wolf, they can bring back Norm Macdonald.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has downloaded:

A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

I have a complicated relationship with push/pull doors.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

Sometimes, in the middle of eating a rotisserie chicken, I ask myself “did I just run a red light?”

Someone from 🇨🇫 has viewed:

I delete posts cause I be getting mature over the hours.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Going viral on Slack:

You gotta act cool, calm, and collected around liquid eyeliner because it can sense your fear.

Just shared via Messenger:

It’s beginning to cost a lot like Christmas.

Spotted on Slack:

Anyone know if we got the meek inheriting the Earth today?

Trending via TikTok:

Going on dates is hard because do I like them or do I just have sooo much fun being me.

Live now on Pinterest:

Amazing how fast my addiction to my phone is cured the moment I get a phone call.

Going bananas on Slack:

If a man speaks in the forest and his wife is not there to hear him, is he still wrong?

Shared recently on Telegram:

They should invent a type of situation that improves.

Making waves on Pinterest:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

In a massage chair at the mall just moaning really loud.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Showing up late with an iced coffee is not about poor time management, it’s about knowing how to make an entrance.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It is kind of inspiring that I messed up my life without drugs, gambling or a troubled youth. People really can do anything.

I like to people-watch, but I’m an advanced people-watcher. When I spot another people-watcher, I like to watch them watching other people.

Ugh, but profoundly.

You can’t change your past but you can change your pasta.

Santa Claus isn’t real. Ain’t no man checking a list twice.

Quitting my job to focus on being in love.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨