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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

Speed dating, but it’s just me changing tables at a restaurant every few minutes trying a bite of everyone’s food.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has viewed:

Your dog immediately knows you’re leaving when you put on nice clothes… only because you usually look homeless when you’re at home.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has bookmarked:

I can’t sleep good when I know the food is feeling cold in the fridge.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

The problem with meal prep is you have to eat the meal that you prepped.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has bookmarked:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Have you tried making guacamole about it?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Hey (with the intention of making you forget everyone who came before me).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

218 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,487

Funny Quotes Topics

17,559

Funny Quotes Images

15,487

Updated

Jan 5, 2026

Users Online

3,686

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Why aren’t we using these t-shirt cannons for burritos?

Spotted on Threads:

Life hack: Allow yourself 8–12 hours of alone time every morning to prepare for the day.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I really don’t care what happens to me romantically anymore.

Spotted on TikTok:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Just shared via Slack:

Jobs are so clingy. Why do you need to see me 40 hours a week?

Shared recently on Discord:

Who knew that the hardest part of being an adult is figuring out what to cook for dinner every single night for the rest of your life.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

There should be a tented fingers emoji. For when you’re feeling ruminative.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Anyone who thinks things have got so bad that they can only get better is showing a remarkable lack of imagination.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

People always say, “There’s plenty of fish in the sea” … yeah, but I’ve got my eye fixed on that specific, emotionally distant salmon who has commitment issues.

Just landed via TikTok:

Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.

The feminine urge to start a coven.

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Joining a witch meetup to discuss the latest broomstick upgrades and potion recipes! 🧙‍♀️✨🔮

coven, empowerment, female, female empowerment, feminine, humor, start, urge, witchcraft

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

0

5 months ago

conversation, got, humor, i, know, left, people, person, talking, tap, time, video, while, wish
I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

0

2 months ago

animals, concern, cute, humor, i, myself, opinion, opinions, sarcasm, satire, sheep
I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

0

2 months ago

advance, diet, eat, fat, food, humor, i, just, self-deprecation
Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

0

2 months ago

attack, communication, emotional, emotional intensity, i, intensity, man, me, men, mine, nonchalant, nonchalant man, panic, panic attack, relationship, talking, want
A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

0

2 months ago

distraction, doing, everything, humor, laziness, moment, not doing, procrastination, responsibilitie, silence
I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

0

5 months ago

advice, directions, give, humor, i, navigation, people, sarcasm, wants

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

It’s crazy that we’re closer to the year 3000 then I am to finding love.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

Mission Impossible theme song plays in my head when I’m trying to remember a password.

41 shares on Threads this month:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

80 shares on X this month:

Thank you all for attending my final rose ceremony. There will be no roses.

69 shares on Slack this month:

“I’m either extremely productive or staring at the wall like I’m in a Victorian painting.”

76 shares on Slack this month:

I’ve folded seven page corners of the book I’m reading. That’s 49 in dog ears.

69 shares on YouTube this month:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

65 shares on Twitch this month:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

71 shares on Threads this month:

The new American dream is an alien invasion.

93 shares on Discord this month:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s Wednesday.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I love being outside, just not when it’s too cold or too hot or too wet or too windy or if there are bugs.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

A degree in international law is about as real as a degree in Dothraki.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Okay, that’s enough todaying for today.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has bookmarked:

I wish I got hotter every time a man made me mad.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Threads:

Good things happen when you smile or when you’re naked.

Live now on X:

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Spotted on Instagram:

You know it’s been a successful Thanksgiving when your clothes no longer fit.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

Going bananas on WeChat:

It’s a beautiful morning. Lots of people out walking their phones.

Trending via Instagram:

“Follow your heart,” as advice, is sort of like “abandon yourself to cognitive bias.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

Foo fighters still fighting foo.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I’m sorry, I didn’t realize how quiet your bathroom exhaust fan was.

Seen just now on Discord:

Your woman will take 2 hours to get ready, but if you don’t have your shoes on when she is ready, you’re the problem.

Making waves on Facebook:

I’d like to shrink you down and add you to my keychain.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

You know when you tap a video to see how long it’s got left? I wish you could do that to people while they’re talking.

I concern myself with the opinions of sheep because they are cute.

I’m not fat. I just eat in advance.

Nonchalant men are not for me. I want mine to have a panic attack if we’re not talking.

A moment of silence for everything I have to do but am not doing.

I don’t give people directions. What if no one wants them there?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨