Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Figure skating is so niche that sometimes I walk in the rink, and there’s an Olympic medalist there.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has copied:

My boyfriend always complains that I never smile, but he’s the one who wanted a serious relationship.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Why learn new slang? Stay bogus.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I know that we aren’t supposed to self diagnose but I’ve googled all of my symptoms and I’m fairly sure I’m a raccoon.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

“My family doesn’t have a black sheep,” I say, while everyone avoids eye contact.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Suicide is never the answer, you gotta outlive your enemies.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Yes, I know there is a really special place in hell for me. It’s called a throne.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,379

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Twitch:

The lion doesn’t concern himself with credit card debt.

Making waves on Facebook:

How does spaghetti know that I’m wearing light-colored clothes?

Broadcasted on X:

If you can’t handle me at my worst just imagine how I feel.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Blowing kisses to my coworkers so that nobody talks to me today.

Trending via Reddit:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

Seen just now on Slack:

“The only thing standing between you and your dreams is you!” Yeah, have you met me? That’s gonna be a problem.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Studies show people who like my posts are happier, smarter, and better looking than those who don’t.

Going viral on YouTube:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Shared recently on Slack:

Let’s play a game called you bring me food and I eat it.

Making waves on Reddit:

Deja poo is when you feel like you’ve heard the same shit before.

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just your typical Friday night plans, right? 🌕🔮🩸

blood, blood ritual, dark, dark humor, full, full moon, humor, moon, obscene, occult, ritual, rituals, under

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

0

2 months ago

cheese, civilization, food, hope, humor, i, know, left, people, rebuild, society, still, survival
All quiet on the frontal lobe.

0

1 month ago

brain, frontal, frontal lobe, humor, lobe, pun, quiet
If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

0

5 months ago

advice, answer, bite, death, die, give, humor, joke, poison, should, simply, snake, sure, survival, wait
I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

0

2 months ago

health, hearing, humor, i, irony, me, mental, mental health, psychiatrist, punchline, self-awareness, told, voices
I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

0

2 months ago

bodyguard, bullet, friendship, humor, love, loyalty, protection, sacrifice
I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

0

2 months ago

direction, every, GPS, hour, humor, i, joke, life, navigation, recalculation, technology, told

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

An orgasm before bed is nature’s strongest sleep aid.

18 shares on YouTube this month:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

47 shares on Discord this month:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

47 shares on Instagram this month:

Welcome to your 40’s: See that kid dressed up like a cop? He is a cop.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

I like to begin every day by looking forward to the end of the day.

22 shares on Instagram this month:

“We told you to stop at 2012!” – The Mayans

67 shares on TikTok this month:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

24 shares on Discord this month:

Sorry I didn’t text you back, I was pretending I didn’t see it and ended up actually forgetting.

35 shares on Threads this month:

I’ll see you in court (at the marriage registry) (I love you)

27 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If it’s a ghost ship, why does it have to be on water?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

For the amount of meat you get out of clam, I feel like we could just leave them alone.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

Pornhub be like “Your phone got a virus,” bro, just play the bloody video.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

I don’t consider myself anything but average. However, I have aged well.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

I’ve been dieting for a little over a week and I already gained three pounds.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

All of humanities problems could be solved with a large meteor.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has downloaded:

The worst is when it’s too late to take a nap but too early to go to bed.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

A single garbageman contributes more to society before lunch than every crypto trader and op-ed writer combined does in their lifetime.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Everyone is a genius until they try to use someone else’s microwave.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

I feel like waking up early on the weekend is so disrespectful.

Shared recently on Reddit:

There’s just one legitimate synonym for Friday: boom shakalaka.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I bought a little notebook to keep track of who’s above the law.

Just shared via Pinterest:

There are two quantities of popcorn: not enough and what have I done

Spotted on Instagram:

I fear one day I’ll see one of my posts marked as an “Exhibit A”

Making waves on X:

Haunted Houses this year are just gonna have the news on.

Going viral on Instagram:

Why is everyone’s main goal to get married and have kids? Like, don’t you guys want to do drugs in foreign countries?

Breaking via Instagram:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

Just landed via Facebook:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Wanna perform obscene blood rituals under the full moon, or nah?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

All quiet on the frontal lobe.

If you get bitten by a snake and you’re not sure if it was poisonous, simply wait to see if you die or not. That should give you your answer.

I told my psychiatrist I’ve been hearing voices lately. He told me I don’t have a psychiatrist.

I love my bodyguard. I would take a bullet for him.

I told my GPS I needed direction in life, and now it insists on recalculating every hour.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨