Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Normalize having a threatening aura, but really just being a sweetheart.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me and I’m just over here trying to remember how to spell “definitely”.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Pro tip: When you sign up for anything online, put the website’s name as your middle name. Now, when you receive spam, you will know who sold your data.

Someone from 🇸🇱 has bookmarked:

Whatever the plot is in Barbie’s movie, my dolls have been through worse.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has viewed:

Caught a belt loop on a door handle and got yanked back with such force that my audio is no longer in sync with my actions.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

It’s amazing how music can transport you to another place. For example, this coffee shop is playing Justin Bieber, so I’m going to another restaurant.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Sometimes I can’t believe people have had the honor of experiencing my love and chose to hurt me instead.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has copied:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

Some people have goals based on a summer body. Mine revolve entirely around the weight limit of my beach chairs.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has viewed:

I am so lucky that I can’t tell the difference between a heartfelt compliment and sarcastic disdain. Life is much easier when you’re dumb.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,548

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Instagram:

I disagree with my politics.

Going viral on Threads:

A two-step guide to warning someone not to hit their head: 1. Wait until they’ve hit their head. 2. Say “Ooh, mind your head!”

Just landed via Facebook:

I’m inventing a website for unemployed people called LinkedOut.

Live now on Pinterest:

Salad was likely invented after someone picked everything they didn’t like out of their meal and put it on a separate plate.

Spotted on Instagram:

Another day of explaining to mom that New York is big and the footage she saw wasn’t shot on my street.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

I know I’m mad when I start talking to myself about it.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

One day my sanity went out for smokes and never came back.

Trending via Reddit:

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

If an alien is 60 million light years away and is watching us through a telescope, it will see dinosaurs.

Seen just now on Slack:

“Slipping in the shower and trying to hold on to the water jet…” Shall I tell you more about myself?

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Knock knock, bathroom edition: who's there? Occupied! 🚪🙈🛁

awkward, awkward situation, bathroom, even, knock, privacy, protocol, say, situation, someone, stall

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

0

2 months ago

attention, attitude, confidence, entertainment, forget, give, harder, humor, motivation, never, nobody, observation, people, rivalry, sarcasm, show
Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

0

2 months ago

anatomy, bones, break, heart, humor, love, pain, relationship
Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

0

2 months ago

Calculus, cause, complicated, daughter, family, humor, joke, parenting
So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

0

2 months ago

apparently, away, humor, ignore, ignoring, lesson, life, life lesson, problem, problems, truth
Happy new fear!

0

2 months ago

celebration, fear, happy, humor, new, new year, year
The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

0

2 months ago

age, chaplin, charlie, Charlie Chaplin, comedy, getting, getting older, humor, i, older, physical, physical comedy, walk, walking

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

90 shares on Threads this month:

Of course the laundry has to be done, but the wine doesn’t drink itself either.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Can hardly wait until my winter fat turns into spring rolls.

36 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Whoever’s been in charge of the weather for the last few weeks seems to have fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control in their hand.

31 shares on Twitch this month:

The way I forget stuff at my age, I just know it is over for me after 50.

26 shares on TikTok this month:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

27 shares on Discord this month:

I’m sorry for the things I said when I was running late due to circumstances completely within my control.

87 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Parenthood is so crazy. We’re really out here getting bullied by the people we made.

79 shares on WhatsApp this month:

My retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding a buried treasure at some point.

35 shares on LinkedIn this month:

This body is a temple; I suicide bomb every day.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

My new drivers license arrived and when I opened it, I gasped. How’d they get a picture of my mother?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

‘Blinded by the Light’ is really just a song about turning the bathroom light on in the middle of the night.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has copied:

How long do you actually have to wear a muscle shirt until you get muscles?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Attention to detail is so sexy, study me, baby.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

On my phone, you’ll never see contacts saved as ‘babe’ or ‘love.’ I save full names—first and last—like a government office.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has copied:

Euthanizing my Tamagotchi.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Needs to be a Google Maps setting where you can ask them not to make you take a left across four lanes of oncoming traffic.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Tip on how best to start a conversation with me: Not at all.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

Weight gain makes me sad. Luckily, eating cheers me right back up.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

People in their late 20s and early 30s are like “this is my emotional support trip to Japan.”

Freshly posted on TikTok:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Trending via X:

She is both the storm and the shelter.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

You could be having a nice day and then somebody your own age says they bought a house.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

Spotted on Slack:

Age range on my dating app set to 40+. Y’all fighting over grapes while I’m drinking wine.

Going bananas on Twitch:

Do y’all ever get pre-annoyed? Like, you already know someone is about to piss you off.

Trending via Threads:

It’s wild that “Jason” is a name from ancient Greece, because it sounds like it was invented in Florida in 1983.

Just shared via Instagram:

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

Just landed via Pinterest:

God bless the student essay that is so confused and rambling, there is zero chance that they used AI.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

What do you even say when someone knocks on your bathroom stall … like, what’s the protocol?

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Don’t break someone’s heart, they have only one. Break their bones, they have 206 of them.

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

So apparently problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Happy new fear!

The older I get, the more I walk like Charlie Chaplin.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨