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Looks like my bingo card finally retired from active duty this year 🎱🚫👵
Author Archives: slickboy
Crushes are meant for motivation to do better, not to actively pursue.
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Sounds like the workout plan my heart didn't sign up for! 💪💖😂
You don’t drink tap water but use it to make ice?
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When you trust your freezer more than your faucet! 😂🚰❄️
My prime ends at my funeral.
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Guess I won't need any anti-aging creams in the afterlife! 🧴👻
It feels wrong to celebrate America’s birthday while it’s on life support.
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Oh, America, you always find a way to blow out the birthday candles, even in a hospital bed 🎂🇺🇸🤕
That moment in between Netflix episodes, where you see your reflection on the black screen and wonder what the hell you’re doing with your life.
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Trying to avoid eye contact with my own reflection during those dark introspection moments 😂📺🖤
I could see myself peacefully exchanging my kids on the weekend with this woman.
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Who knew the at-home daycare service could be a mutual exchange program? 😂🤝👶
“What’s the phone number for the FIFA red card appeal hotline?”
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When your soccer skills turn into a real-life game of Uno! 🃏🚫⚽
Officer, I had no idea I was even driving.
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"When autopilot goes rogue 😂🚗🤖"
I just laugh stuff off, cause prison doesn’t cook the food I like.
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😂🤣 Guess I’ll keep my gourmet meals and freedom for now! 🍽️🍕