Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Listen, before I had my coffee I didn’t know how awesome I was going to be today either.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

Putting a hot frying pan into a sink running with cold water makes me feel like a blacksmith.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has bookmarked:

The best part about having a crush is when they crush all your hopes and dreams.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Everyone is using AI to write business emails, texts, etc. At this point in time, we may as well just tell our AIs to talk to each other and then let us know what kind of deal they worked out.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has shared:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has downloaded:

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has copied:

It’s this time again when you have to choose between coffee and mulled wine in the morning.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,487

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I hope you all get laid soon, for your own mental health.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.

Going viral on Pinterest:

Letting her be the passenger princess cause I care about my safety.

Shared recently on Reddit:

I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I like when I walk with people and they note that I’m a fast walker. We’re in a race. We’re in a race and you’re losing actually.

Trending via Discord:

Men are like dogs. They’re actually cute, but having my own would be too much work for me.

Spotted on WeChat:

Sometimes I say something so embarrassing I even impress myself.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

3 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like before marriage, my car and I had a staring contest with traffic lights… and the light always won! 🚦😂

before, driving, green, green light, hours, humor, i, light, marriage, me, patience, relationship, sit, stoplight, tell, waiting

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

0

2 months ago

activity, beginner, belt, black, black belt, consumerism, humor, i, shopping, skill, things
There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

0

2 months ago

absurdity, butter, crime, drink, feeding, food, funny scenario, giving, humor, joke, nothing, peanut, peanut butter, prank, sandwich, scenario, should, someone, story, thirst, true
It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

0

2 months ago

actually, aging, aging humor, aging joke, anything, apathy, care, cynicism, energy, figure, humor, joke, just, life, life perspective, older, perspective, wisdom
I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

0

2 months ago

day, day off, every, great, having, humor, i, joke, Monday, relaxation, sarcasm, should, sound, want, week, weekend, work
How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

0

2 months ago

am, appreciation, confidence, forget, humor, i, life, love, me, positivity, self, self appreciation, self-love, silly
And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

0

2 months ago

appearance, belief, ceremony, humor, Jesus, shows, thank, wedding

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on Telegram this month:

At the gym, everyone thinks exclusively about how little weight I can lift and how quickly I’m out of breath, because the world revolves around me.

44 shares on Discord this month:

It is only when a mosquito lands on your testicles that you realize there is always a way to solve problems without using violence.

36 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only guarantee in life is, if you run errands looking like shit, you will run into everyone you haven’t seen in months.

26 shares on YouTube this month:

I’ve surpassed the need for coffee, for I have evolved into a higher state of awesome.

61 shares on YouTube this month:

To get my cat to eat, I tell him about all the hungry cats in Catfrica.

25 shares on Messenger this month:

The sexual tension between me and not finishing the last 2 episodes of a drama.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

Technology has really helped me waste my time efficiently.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s no filter on my pics or my thoughts. I’m just out here raw-dogging it.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Oh, you’re in a situationship? Which one are you, the liar or the loser?

58 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Just eating the emotional support snickers bar in my purse. How about you?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇧 has viewed:

If a door closes, I’m just going to open it again.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

I’ve decided to handle this like a mature adult, I’m telling your mom.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

I was thinking of becoming self employed, but due to cutbacks, I can’t afford to hire me right now.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has downloaded:

Avocado is just green butter.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

Everyone thinks they won’t be that couple that goes from ‘everything you do is a turn-on’ to ‘you’re breathing too loud,’ but they will be, oh, they will be.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

Why is it cute when a baby falls asleep clutching a bottle. Yet, when I do it, it’s “concerning”?

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

They should combine the running of the bulls with Tour de France next year.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has copied:

Every time I wanna quit, I remember horses don’t stop.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but I think people who say ‘I don’t know who needs to hear this’ know exactly who needed to hear it.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

If you’re not dropping it like it’s hot, then what the hell are you doing?

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Twitch:

I wish we were cats so you could just randomly slap co-workers for no reason.

Trending via YouTube:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Making waves on WeChat:

The volume of my TV is 100% dependent on what I’m currently chewing on.

Trending via Instagram:

I’m neither a lover nor a fighter. I’m a snacker.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I made coffee and carried it to the couch. I’ve done everything I had planned for this Sunday.

Just landed via WeChat:

I wonder how many new moms try to pick out a unique name for their baby only to later learn it’s the name of an antidepressant.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

When a man is a good cook, that cancels out like three red flags.

Making waves on YouTube:

Therapy isn’t enough. I need to run my brain through the dishwasher.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Before marriage, I would sit at a stoplight for hours because I had no one to tell me the light had changed to green.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I may be a beginner at some things, but I have a black belt in shopping.

There should be a true crime story about feeding someone a peanut butter sandwich and giving them nothing to drink.

It turns out, as you get older, you don’t actually figure anything out; you just don’t have any energy to care anymore.

I don’t want to sound controversial, but having Monday off is great. We should do this every week.

How silly of me to forget that I am the love of my life.

And no thanking Jesus unless he actually shows up at the ceremony.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨