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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

It’s so embarrassing when you make a silly face at a baby, and they do not care at all.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

I miss when The Weeknd made haunted strip club music. Didn’t know how good I had it.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has bookmarked:

Growing your own tomatoes really is the best way to devote 3 months of your life to saving $2.17.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

If you were the birthday gift I bought my wife some months ago, where would you be hiding?

Someone from 🇲🇳 has shared:

Making food: 1 hour. Eating food: 20 seconds. Washing dishes: never ending.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has copied:

I don’t have any generational wealth but I did inherit a great spaghetti sauce recipe.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

335 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,928

Funny Quotes Topics

17,098

Funny Quotes Images

14,928

Updated

Dec 13, 2025

Users Online

3,959

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

The next time someone texts me “we need to talk,” I’ll reply, “Yes, we really need to talk,” so that I won’t be the only one stressing.

Just shared via X:

Victor Frankenstein being only 23 years old when he made the monster is crazy to me, he should have been at the club.

Making waves on YouTube:

I’m at the age where I understand that paying a little extra for convenience and comfort is absolutely okay.

Just shared via X:

Preparing for the apocalypse by becoming fluent in zombie.

Live now on Pinterest:

Everyone hates drama, yet somehow the tabloids remain in business.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The only warning I take seriously these days is when my cell phone battery is low.

Just landed via Messenger:

A big shout-out to all the beekeepers. Our unstung heroes.

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

4 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Ready with my tomato catapult for your next misadventure 🍅🎯🤣

blocking, criminal, enough, humor, i, insult, medieval, throw, tomato

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

1 month ago

alcohol, doing, drunk, drunk text, everyone, humor, media, noon, relatable, social, social media, text, timing, wants
Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

1 month ago

accept, depressed, depression, humor, i, purchase, reason, return, shopping, should, store, stores, validity
I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

2 months ago

bill, change, dollar, humor, i, independence, money, need, one dollar, relationship, self-worth, single
THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

1 month ago

3, achievement, activity, announce, announcement, celebration, days, event, fun, fun activity, gathering, gatherings, i, Ironman, social, social gathering, thrill, thrilled, weekend
All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

2 months ago

activity, favorite, favorite activity, humor, laziness, mattress, relaxation, sleep
I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

4 days ago

choice, choices, humor, i, marriage, question, relationship, self-deprecation, wife

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

Are you telling me these billionaires don’t have my best interests at heart?!

Someone from 🇲🇹 has bookmarked:

We live in a time where intelligent people are being silenced, so that stupid people won’t be offended.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

If you pretend you’re erasing the evidence of a murder while cleaning the bathroom, you’ll do a better job, and it actually becomes fun!

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

Money doesn’t impress me. Giving it to me does.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has copied:

Flat earth is too mainstream, hollow earth is where it’s at.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

The cool thing about ignoring a notification is being surprised to see it over and over again.

Going viral on Twitch:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

Trending via TikTok:

I don’t have time for anything that doesn’t set my soul on fire.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Maybe we should put monkeys in charge for a while just to see how it goes.

Just landed via YouTube:

Dads will insist the Masters is exciting while also napping through it.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

The government always waits until the last minute to prevent a shutdown, much like my approach to paying taxes.

Just landed via Twitch:

Once you’ve read the dictionary, every other book you read is just a remix.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

I put my pants on just like everybody else: when the police tell me to.

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

I’m so sick of TV shows and movies where there are no likable characters. I don’t need to spend an hour with people I hate, I already have my life.

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

When life gives you lemons, give them back and ask what the crap is all about.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

We don’t get a song of the summer this year because we were bad.

My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

You really have to enjoy the way a man is acting in the beginning, because you will never meet that man again.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Enjoy your 30s, because in your 40s, your first check engine lights come on.

Sign at the zoo says “don’t stick your hand in the alligator cage”. Thanks, but I’ll do my own research.

None of the parenting books say what to do when your kids start calling you ‘Bruh.’

I love being a pretty woman because it widens the threshold for cringe-worthy things I can say.

I’m writing a book on the joys of drinking beer. So far I’ve been through a lot of drafts.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

I think during winter we should also get to work less hours in a day, just like the sun.

I just need a day between everyday… to recover from the day before… just so I can prepare for the day coming.

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

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Blocking isn’t enough. I wanna throw tomatoes at you like you’re a medieval criminal.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

I’m as single as a one Dollar bill, and I don’t need any change.

THRILLED to announce I did an Ironman this weekend! Attended 3 social gatherings in 3 days.

All my favorite activities involve a mattress.

I don’t question my wife’s choices because I’m one of them.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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