Commentary:
"Going from fillings to felonies! 🦷➡️🚔 Who knew the drill could lead to thrill! 😆🤦♂️ #MomKnowsBest"
22 Funny American quotes
In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.
Commentary:
"When life gives you ribs, make Eve-lution happen! 🍖😂"
“American Pope” sounds like the name of an Amazon prime original series you ignore.
Commentary:
"Waiting for the plot twist where the American Pope is also a crime-fighting detective! 😂📺✝️"
The new American dream is an alien invasion.
Commentary:
Well, in a world full of student loans and avocado toast, why not shake things up with a little extraterrestrial excitement? 👽🌌 Who needs picket fences and white picket fences when you can have laser beams and intergalactic adventures? Beam me up to that American dream any day! 🚀🇺🇸 #ItCameFromOuterSpace
My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.
Commentary:
Well, it seems like you're really embracing that modern tribal vibe! 💨🚬 Let's just hope your spirit animal isn't a chain-smoking chimney! 😉 #NewAgeNative #SmokeSignalsAndTexts
I’ve named my couch American Idle.
Commentary:
"Looks like your couch is living the dream of every couch potato out there! 🥔💤 Who needs American Idol when you've got American Idle right in your living room? 😄🛋️"
American Feng Shui is when the grill doesn’t wobble.
Commentary:
American Feng Shui: when the key to achieving perfect balance and harmony is making sure that barbecue grill is as steady as the American dream 💁♂️🍔🌭 #GrillGoals
My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.
Commentary:
"Ah, the age-old metric of educational success: nuggets per order! 🍗🎓 Perhaps we should start grading schools based on their crispy chicken output. Who needs standardized testing when you've got a box of nuggets to gauge academic excellence? 😂 #NuggetWisdom"
Some women seated next to me are gossiping in French. They obviously think I’m some dumb American who doesn’t speak French and they are correct.
Commentary:
🇫🇷 Ah, the universal gossiping language: French! These women clearly underestimated the multilingual powers of our not-so-dumb American friend here. 😏 Who knew being underestimated could be so entertaining? C'est la vie! 💁♀️
Technically, the Friday after July 4 isn’t a holiday. But I think we all know that Americans have a constitutional right to take the fifth.
Commentary:
"Technically, it's not a holiday… but in the land of the free and the home of the brave, we have a right to take the fifth (of July)! 🇺🇸🎆 #IndependenceDayExtened #FreedomFriday"