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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

It whistles, doesn’t it? Your head when it’s windy.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I had no social life in high school. Even my imaginary best friend had a date for the prom.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

This meeting could have been an AI summary.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has viewed:

Every time my kids start whining, I get the urge to call my mom and apologize.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Humanity was engineered as a biological weapon but left abandoned early in its development.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has downloaded:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Can you imagine how hot I’d be if I ate right and took care of my body? I’m not gonna do it, but can you imagine?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Don’t invite me places. I was cesarean. I didn’t want to come out then and I certainly don’t want to now.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

48 minutes ago

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

I don’t really like the song “I’ve Got a Feeling” by Black Eyed Peas, but I just like the part where they say “Mazel Tov.”

Shared recently on Reddit:

Am I finishing my education or is my education finishing me?

Breaking via Slack:

I swear people go to Starbucks and just say random words. “Lemme get a grande iced mocha no foam quad soy hexagon vortex hypothesis with steamed ice”.

Just landed via X:

I’m the ick in fantastic.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

There is nothing worse in life than calling customer service and hearing an Indian accent.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

For financial reasons, I will be passing away.

Breaking via Instagram:

It’s too late. I sat down on the couch after work. Go on without me.

Reported on Slack:

Parents will give you a lecture about fake friends and then get scammed by their own siblings.

Shared recently on WeChat:

I think the real reason this generation is so angry is that their music sucks.

Just landed via WeChat:

Girls take a picture of their legs in a bubble bath and say “guess where I am”. The library?

Home » Funny Assurance Quotes

Funny assurance quotes

Funny assurance quotes are the perfect way to lighten up serious moments with a splash of humor 😂✨. When life gets a little too intense, a witty line can boost your confidence and bring smiles all around 😎💬. Ready to embrace positivity with a side of laughter? These playful quotes will have you feeling unstoppable while cracking up at the same time! 🎉🤣 #GoodVibesOnly

New funny assurance quotes 👇

6 months ago
Share →: If I ever die on some hill, rest assured, something fishy is going on.

Commentary:
"If my demise involves a hill and a fishy situation, it's safe to say I didn't go down without a trout 😉🐟 #FishyBusiness"
Jan 24, 2025
Share →: Somebody just told me I was living the dream, I can assure you I have never dreamt of this shit right here.

Commentary:
"Living the dream? More like living a nightmare! 😂💭 Who dreams of chaos and madness, am I right? This is the stuff of a comedy movie gone wrong! 🤪 #RealityCheck"
Jan 21, 2025
Share →: In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Commentary:
"Ah, yes, the infamous algebra, always playing hard to get in real life! 🤔📚 Who needs those pesky equations when you have hilarious word problems like trying to figure out why your cat insists on knocking things off the counter? 🐱🤯 Stay tuned for the next episode of 'The Unsolvable Mysteries of Everyday Life!' 🔍😂"

For even more funny assurance quotes, check out the next page, if available 👇

All funny assurance quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

48 minutes ago

3,461

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇪 has copied:

What archaeologists are really looking for is a hand digging back.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has viewed:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has shared:

Does anyone know if it’s possible to buy the transcripts of audiobooks? Thanks!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

Bacon should be free for anyone having a bad day.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I like that blood pressure kits come with a free, handy zip-up bag that your stuff will never fit in again once you take it out.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has viewed:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has downloaded:

By the time I meet the right person, I’ll probably be the wrong person.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has downloaded:

I mostly stopped responding to emails three years ago, and aside from various consequences, it’s been fine.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has bookmarked:

ChatGPT’s primary use is to generate plausible excuses to leave dinner at the in-laws’.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

They need to invent a job for people who aren’t good at anything nor motivated nor social.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

To all the people who ask singles why they are actually single: Please don’t. We have sworn an oath and are not allowed to tell you the secret of our success.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Hey there, Delilah, we know you broke that dude’s heart.

Just landed via Threads:

And are the people who find you “hilarious” in the room with us now?

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I like winter because I fundamentally understand I deserve to suffer.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Whispering to paramedic before I pass out: save me, but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I wish my wife’s sighs came with subtitles.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Ten million people accused me of exaggerating today.

Going viral on Instagram:

Hundreds, nay, thousands of movies about falling in love but only one movie about a beach that makes you old.

Going viral on Slack:

Jackie Chan used to say “I don’t want trouble“ and then break everybody’s legs.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Italy stands for I Truly Always Love You.

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