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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Just pulled a Werther’s Original out of my pocket, like I’m 87 years old.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Awake? You may be entitled to compensation.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has copied:

I literally never want to be the bigger person again. We can both go to hell.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has copied:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has shared:

Sorry, I’m late. I sat on my bed in a towel for 45 minutes, staring at the wall.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Teens be like, “I wanted to do that until you asked me to.”

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has downloaded:

Taking a sip of beer and letting out a big “ahhhh” so the pregnant lady at the pool next to me knows what she’s missing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,405

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Live now on TikTok:

Getting paid to sleep would be such a dream job.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Me: Maybe it’s the weed talking but your apartment seems enormous. IKEA Manager: Sir.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

That made me feel good. I think I’ll become addicted.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Keeping my mouth shut is usually not enough to avoid an argument with my husband. I also have to deactivate the subtitle function on my face.

Going bananas on Telegram:

It’s so important to warm up before any physical activity, like getting out of bed.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

That moment you turn down the music while driving around looking for a street address, so you can see better.

Just landed via Twitch:

You can always tell when a man is dating someone new. Why you going to the aquarium and the museum?

Just shared via WhatsApp:

If you’re alone on Thanksgiving, venmo me $25 and I’ll call and ask you when are you gonna get a “real” job and give me grandchildren.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Turning to the person next to me and saying “thanks for nothing” as I get off the train.

Funny bastards quotes

Funny bastards quotes bring a cheeky twist to everyday moments, perfect for those who love a little mischief and laughter 😂🔥. Whether you’re dealing with friends, family, or that one hilarious coworker, these quotes capture the playful spirit of being delightfully naughty 😜🎉. Ready to brighten your day with some witty, bold humor? Let’s dive into the world of funny bastards and their unforgettable lines! 😎💥

New funny bastards quotes 👇

All funny bastards quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Random Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Nothing ruins your weekend faster than remembering Monday is lurking in the shadows.

85 shares on Instagram this month:

Unless I say otherwise, I am always tired.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

If you show her you care, she will keep you as a spare.

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

The year flies by when you’re scrolling.

95 shares on Threads this month:

If someone asks you why you’re single, just answer with: “Got lucky.”

11 shares on X this month:

Sorry I’m late, I believed the washing machine when it said it only had one minute left in the cycle.

92 shares on Snapchat this month:

I told all my neighbors that I have a twin, so that when I see them in public I don’t have to talk to them.

64 shares on Telegram this month:

Is it stupid and irresponsible? Yes. Will it make me happy? Also yes.

29 shares on WeChat this month:

Have you ever wanted to grab somebody by the shoulders, give them a good shake and whisper “Nobody cares!”

67 shares on Facebook this month:

If you are influenced by influencers, you’re beyond retarded.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

One pretty important part of being a dad is walking faster than the rest of your family through an airport.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Today I choose kindness, but we’ll see, it’s still early.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Kids: making things way more difficult when they don’t have to be, since the dawn of man.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’d rather lose you than the argument.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

I know it’s true because the people on the internet said so.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I admire how time manages to quickly heal wounds but takes forever to remove awkward tan lines.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Commenting “This could be us” on her pics with her boyfriend.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m actually breaking generational curses by surviving my 20s without marrying a man who hates me.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Can’t believe we used to throw eggs at houses, and now we can afford neither eggs nor houses.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,572

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

I need like twelve incomes for this lifestyle I have in my head.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

In my years of experience, people who disagree with me are usually wrong.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has bookmarked:

The real threat to Democracy is the Bureaucracy.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has viewed:

Nothing betrays your age more than the slang you refuse to let go of.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has downloaded:

I’ve never had a beer in the shower; I’m saving it for a very low moment in my life.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has shared:

You lose some, you lose some more.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

“I asked Grok.” “I asked ChatGPT.” Well, I asked R2D2, and he said you’re a loser.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

Oh, I didn’t tell you? Must have been none of your business, then.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has shared:

I think God’s next test for me should be, “Can he handle a ridiculous amount of money.”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Just landed via Instagram:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

Breaking via Discord:

For whom the doom scrolls!

Spotted on Snapchat:

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Spotted on Slack:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Breaking via X:

Not to be dramatic, but when I accidentally save a file twice and it adds that (1) at the end, it is the worst moment of my life.

Broadcasted on Reddit:

If my wife doesn’t win anything on this $1 scratch ticket, it’s going to go down as one of the worst anniversary gifts ever.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Deleted old Tweets just in case I date a very famous woman with rabid fans.

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