Commentary:
"Looks like everyone wants a piece of the American dream, but shhh, don't mention the broken bits! 🤫✈️ #immigrationwoes"
48 Funny cause quotes
I’m not a very good poker player cause my eyes turn into big dollar signs when I see that I have a good hand.
Commentary:
When this player has a good hand, you can practically see the dollar signs glowing in their eyes! 💰😂 Bet you can always tell when they've got something good up their sleeve – just look for the shimmer of those big money signs! 👀💲#PokerFaceFail
Even though he murders a lot of people, you can tell Freddie Kruger is a fun loving guy cause he goes by Freddie and not Fred or Frederick.
Commentary:
"Freddie Krueger definitely knows how to keep it light and breezy, especially considering his…uh, unique line of work! 😅 Who knew a name preference could be the key to showcasing your fun-loving side amidst all the slashing and dashing? 🔪😄 #FreddieVsFred"
If you’re partying with your cousin and you’re asked if you’re related, “Our parents are siblings” will cause a lot of confusion.
Commentary:
🎉 "When you're hitting the dance floor with your cousin and someone questions your family tree, just drop the bombshell: 'Our parents are siblings.' Cue the collective gasps and eyebrow raises! Nothing like a little familial twist to spice up the party conversation. 🤪💃 #CousinCraziness"
Good morning to everyone except myself cause I wish I was still asleep.
Commentary:
"Good morning to all the early birds out there, flying high while the rest of us dream about hitting the snooze button for the 100th time! 😴🐦 Rise and shine…or just rise and hope for more coffee ☕️ #SleepyHead"
Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it’s cause they’re not at home.
Commentary:
"Whenever someone tells me how well behaved my kids are, I say it's cause they're not at home 🤣🏡 #ParentingTruths #LittleMonstersAtHome"
Remember when we had to smack the TV cause it wasn’t coming in clearly? I feel that way about too many people.
Commentary:
"Ah, the good ol' days of percussive maintenance! 💥😂 Some people definitely could use a gentle tap on the 'antenna' to get their signal straight! 📺👋 #StayTunedForBetterReception"
When I was a kid there were two sure ways to die, natural causes and talking back to your parents.
Commentary:
Ah, the good old days when the struggle for survival was real: navigating through childhood without tempting fate by uttering the forbidden words to your parents! 🙊😂 It's a dangerous world out there for rebellious kiddos, where natural causes might seem like the safer option. Just remember, it's all fun and games until you sass your mom and somehow end up grounded till eternity! 🚫⚰️😜
Proudly doing my part to cause the male loneliness epidemic.
Commentary:
"Ah, a true unsung hero in the battle against male loneliness! 🦸♀️ Keep up the good work, your efforts are not going unnoticed… by anyone! 🤣 #LonelyHeartsClub"
Did you know that if a unicorn and I were to race, the unicorn would likely win cause unicorns are about as real as my desire to race anything?
Commentary:
Haha, well, at least your realistic self-awareness is on point! 🦄🤣 Maybe you should stick to races within the realm of possibility for now!