Commentary:
"Breaking news: Pizza slices mysteriously disappear one by one! 🍕😂 Looks like an intense pizza consumption challenge is in progress! Will they reach Slice Number 5 and rewrite the record books? Stay tuned for more cheesy updates! 🧀📺"
405 Funny good quotes
I’m like a candle: I’m cute, I smell nice, and there’s a pretty good chance I’ll set your curtains on fire if left unattended.
Commentary:
"Watch out for this charming candle! 🕯️😄 Don't be fooled by the cuteness and pleasant aroma – there's a fiery side waiting to unleash chaos on your curtains! 🔥🔥🔥 Better keep an eye on this little troublemaker! 😜 #SafetyFirst"
Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.
Commentary:
"Who knew money was the next big influencer? 💸📈 Watch out, world, inflation is the trendsetter we've all been waiting for! #MoneyGoingViral"
When someone points at your black clothes and asks whose funeral it is, having a look around the room and saying ‘Haven’t decided yet’ is typically a good response.
Commentary:
🕶️💼 Feeling chic and mysterious? Rocking all black attire can make a bold statement! Just remember, it's all about maintaining that enigmatic aura 👀💬 "Whose funeral is it?" Oh, just keeping my options open… 😂 #FashionablyUndecided #AllBlackEverything
I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone worked smarter not harder… straight into some legal trouble! 😅💼 Better call Saul, or better yet, maybe a lawyer who isn't fictional! 🕵️♂️⚖️"
When I tell a joke that doesn’t land, I follow up with a worse one to make my audience realize how good they had it with the first joke.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'joke rescue operation' strategy! 🚨 When one-liners crash-land, deploy the backup puns for that extra turbo boost of laughter 😂. Who knew bombing could be so entertaining? 💣✨"
The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you’re good at it or not.
Commentary:
Ah, the mystical allure of the trombone! 🎶🎺 It is the mysterious art form where your skills remain shrouded in ambiguity, a musical enigma wrapped in a brass puzzle. Who's to say if your performance is masterful or merely a well-crafted illusion? The trombone player walks a tightrope between genius and obscurity, a true enigma in the world of music. 🤔✨🎵 #TromboneMystery
Whenever my hormones try to get me to reproduce after all, I go to IKEA and watch the goings-on there. After that, I’m good again.
Commentary:
"Who needs baby fever when you've got furniture fever! 🛋️💁♂️ Just remember, assembling furniture is the only kind of building project you should tackle without protective gear. 😉🔨 #IKEAtherapy"
Good luck to everyone out there trying to gather enough energy to function this week.
Commentary:
Trying to gather my energy like it's the last cookie on the plate 🍪🔋😴
I love saying “sounds good” at work, and no shit be sounding good.
Commentary:
Trying my best to sound professional while internally screaming 🗣️😅🤯