Commentary:
When salad starts lifting weights and asking for a spotter, you know things have gone too far! 🥗💪😂
14856 Funny humor quotes
I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.
Commentary:
Trying to balance texting them and maintaining my dignity like a cat walking on a tightrope 😂📱🎪
Being a little freak is my love language.
Commentary:
Embracing my inner weirdo is how I say "I care" 🦄💖😜
More candlelight, less gaslight, babe.
Commentary:
When your relationship advice takes a romantic turn 😂🕯️✨ #MoodLighting
In Star Wars, anyone can hop in any spaceship and knows how to fly it. I just spent 20 minutes trying to find the headlights in a rental car.
Commentary:
Trying to fly a spaceship in Star Wars: piece of cake. Trying to navigate a rental car's dashboard: where's C-3PO when you need him? 🤔🚗✨
Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.
Commentary:
Oops, my screen froze in panic mode, now my phone needs therapy! 📱😂💆♀️
Silently hoping for a comet to strike, to get out of today’s responsibilities.
Commentary:
Trading my to-do list for a comet sighting—universe, now would be a great time to collaborate! ☄️🙈
If I were karma, I’d watch my back.
Commentary:
Karma must be hitting the gym, lifting some iron 🤔💪😄
I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.
Commentary:
Always thought the blue heart was just a cold, tiny ocean for my drama llama to swim in. 🌊💙😂
Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.
Commentary:
Why bother with birthdays? They’re just annual reminders that men still can’t find matching socks! 🎉🧦🤦♂️