Commentary:
Well, until then, I'll stick to dating pizza 🍕❤️😂
14856 Funny humor quotes
If you say my name three times in the mirror, I show up and kiss you on the forehead.
Commentary:
Watch out, mirrors, it's forehead-kissing time! 😂💋👻
Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.
Commentary:
Just joined the "zero cares" club, where every day's a holiday and the dress code is PJs! 😂🎉🛋️
Keep moving, lady, I don’t have room for you in my delusions right now.
Commentary:
I’d let you in, but my imaginary friend insists on having the window seat! 😅🪑🤦♂️
Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.
Commentary:
Fitted sheets: the ultimate relationship training ground! 😂🛌💪
She was unique, like a millennial that could drive a stick shift.
Commentary:
Millennial superhero: Defender of the stick shift! 🚗🦸♀️✨
Touched a tree and accidentally absorbed 400 years of wisdom and 2 squirrel secrets.
Commentary:
Got my wisdom and now I know why squirrels always look so busy: they're running a tiny, secret acorn stock market! 🌳🐿️📈
Anytime someone comments on my weight, I try to ignore them and keep my chins up.
Commentary:
Keeping my heads held high! 😂😆 #ChinUp #DoubleTheFun
Only here for the honeymoon phase, don’t show me your true colors.
Commentary:
Can't wait to live in blissful ignorance forever! 😄🌈💕
I highly recommend having hobbies. It distracts you from things like falling in love.
Commentary:
Falling in love? No thanks, I'd rather fall into my knitting projects instead! 🧶💘