Commentary:
Dyslexia never looked so good 😎🔡❤️
5670 Funny i quotes
The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.
Commentary:
Sounds like all that's missing is a laser pointer and some really awkward Q&A! 😂📊
Is it okay for me to start drinking as soon as the kids are at school, or am I just a terrible teacher?
Commentary:
Sandwich the drama of spelling tests with a juice box ❌📝🥤
Despite removing all the stains, I still lost my job as a church window cleaner.
Commentary:
Sounds like you really took "cleanliness is next to godliness" to the next level! 😇🪟✨
My doubters will become my grouters when I remodel the bathroom of success.
Commentary:
Turning haters into renovators one tile at a time! 🛁😎🔧
I said when I retire, I would travel. I just didn’t expect it to be to the doctors.
Commentary:
Trading in cruise ships for X-rays and MRI scans! ✈️➡️🩻👴😂
An interviewer asked me how well I can perform under pressure; I said I’m much better at Bohemian Rhapsody.
Commentary:
Under pressure? That's just a warm-up for my killer karaoke skills at "Bohemian Rhapsody"! 🎤😆👑
I identify as Michael Jackson, so my pronouns are “he/hee.”
Commentary:
Moonwalking through life with those pronouns! 😂🕺🌕
My girlfriend confided in me she loves when I blow air on her when she’s hot, but honestly, I’m not a fan.
Commentary:
Sounds like a real blow to your relationship dynamics! 😂💨❤️
I read somewhere that playing white noise helps you sleep better, but I didn’t find country music helpful at all.
Commentary:
Who knew that white noise isn't code for a country music concert? 😴🎸🚜