Commentary:
When cucumbers become hydration MVPs! 🥒🏆
2117 Funny me quotes
Playing dead when a cop pulls me over.
Commentary:
When the officer asks for your license, but you’re too busy perfecting your Oscar-winning performance! 🎭🚔😂
Before you beef with me, just know I’m deeply malicious to my core once upset.
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When I get upset, I unleash my inner evil genius—complete with evil laughs and a dramatic cape swirl! 👿🦹♂️💥
They should invent a grocery store that’s just for me and no one else.
Commentary:
Finally, a place where my shopping cart and I can practice social distancing 😄🛒✨
Denying the existence of anyone that annoys me.
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Adopting the invisibility filter option: Annoying people begone! 😂👻✨
You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.
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Trying to outsmart me, huh? Good luck, I'm still trying to outsmart my autocorrect! 😜📚💡
Working as a 911 operator but hanging up when someone starts screaming because I’m an empath, and it overwhelms me.
Commentary:
"Imagine empath levels so high, even my phone has an auto-hang-up button! 📞🤣🧘"
(Seeing the guy next to me reading a novel) You know, none of that happened, right?
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Wow, wait till he finds out about Santa! 🎅📚😂
Women don’t like me, so I’m going to spend all my money on a jacket.
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Investing in a jacket like it's the stock market of love! 💸🧥😂
Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.
Commentary:
Sending thoughts and elastic waistbands your way! 🙏👖