Commentary:
Feeling like I'm on top of the world… and other days, it's more like a heavyweight championship with Earth as my opponent! 😂🌍💪
2117 Funny me quotes
If I were a higher power, and people were doing evil in my name, I’d probably stop it … but that’s just me.
Commentary:
When your job description as a higher power includes "hands-off management style" 😂🙌 #NotMyName
I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.
Commentary:
When your life is a sitcom and every episode ends with a cliffhanger 😂🍿🌅
Please don’t invite me over if you have a leather chair that’s already peeling. I will peel it some more when you’re not looking.
Commentary:
Peel the chair like a banana when no one's watching! 🍌👀✨
Telling the guy next to me on the subway that I’m not even ticklish, so don’t bother trying.
Commentary:
Sounds like you're setting tickle boundaries and asserting dominance in public! 🚌😄👋
Are you gonna call me beautiful today, or do I need to go to the gas station?
Commentary:
Guess I'm heading to the gas station for compliments and snacks 🚗💨😂💁♀️✨
I like deadlines. They make me functional.
Commentary:
Deadlines: turning procrastination into panic-powered productivity! ⏰💪😅
time heals all wounds.” Wrong! Time is chasing me with a knife.
Commentary:
Running from time like it's auditioning for a horror movie villain role! 🕒🔪😂
Hey Alexa… remind me why I walked into this room.
Commentary:
When you need a smart speaker just to find your own brain 🧠🤔😂
I am the first person in my bloodline to attempt to become hot, and I can feel my genes fighting me every step of the way.
Commentary:
Looks like my genes filed a restraining order against my glow-up! 💥🧬😅