Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

Crossing things off my to-do list… I didn’t do them, I just don’t want them on my list anymore.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Every grocery store becomes an escape room if you see someone you know.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has downloaded:

The “Wooooooooo” track from sitcoms should play whenever you kiss someone in real life.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

Genuinely nothing worse than going bowling with people who are actually good. Like, why are you doing all that?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

“I’m basically the human version of finding $20 in old jeans.”

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

Dissecting an alien and getting bitterly jealous at their crazy organs.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

If oats can be milk, you can be whatever you want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,685

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Reddit:

With great power comes the absolute certainty that you’ll turn into a right douche.

Shared recently on Discord:

People pleasers aren’t kind. They’re afraid.

Going bananas on Discord:

Money enters like Beyoncé and exits like Britney.

Going viral on Instagram:

Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Every time I think I’m cooked, God moves mountains for me. That’s so nice of Him.

Spotted on Instagram:

I love it when strangers smile at me and I smile back, and we have that nice stranger smiling moment.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Instead of calling it the John I’m going to start calling my bathroom the Jim. That way I can say I go to the Jim every morning.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Hiring a mortician to do my makeup while I sleep.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Lord, please take this gas out of my stomach and put it in my car.

Funny restraint quotes

New funny restraint quotes 👇

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

0

2 months ago

accomplishment, communication, daily, daily life, feel, honesty, humor, i, inner, inner voice, life, loud, restraint, sarcasm, saying, self-control, thinking, thought, today, voice, witty

Someone from 🇪🇷 has recently copied this quote.

71 shares on Threads this month.
Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

0

2 months ago

accomplishment, communication, humor, keeping, mouth, patience, restraint, self-control, shut, silence, sometimes

Someone from 🇹🇹 has recently shared this quote.

45 shares on WhatsApp this month.
A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

0

2 months ago

advent, advent calendar, calendar, chocolate, holiday, humor, i, indulgence, restraint, sweets, temptation, test

Someone from 🇱🇾 has recently copied this quote.

12 shares on X this month.

All funny restraint quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on Instagram this month:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

57 shares on Reddit this month:

My daughter’s new Bluetooth karaoke mic has suddenly and mysteriously disappeared, and we are all just so, so sad that we can’t find it.

30 shares on Twitch this month:

If Liverpool play Real Madrid right now, both teams will lose the game.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

I shaved my legs today and it was the fastest 3lbs I’ve ever lost in my life.

75 shares on Threads this month:

Only two things are certain: death, and Princess Diana’s face on at least one grocery store magazine.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

I never though I’d be the kind of person who wakes up early to exercise. I was right.

98 shares on Snapchat this month:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

91 shares on Telegram this month:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

62 shares on Twitch this month:

My mother told me there is a girl for me in every corner of the earth, but unfortunately the earth is round.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

I had a sex dream last night that felt so real, I’m just gonna go ahead and add it to my body count.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

Jehovah’s Witnesses tell the worst knock knock jokes.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, that’s amore. When you swim in the sea and an eel bites your knee, that’s a moray.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain, and most do.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

I’ve got midlife crises older than you.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Can’t believe, as a kid, I thought 21-year-olds had their lives figured out.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Off to my crying appointment (therapy).

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Tuesday is just another Monday, but reheated.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Good morning. Does anyone know what is right and what is wrong?

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

I’m no expert, but I don’t think the United Kingdom is very united.

Trending via TikTok:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I already know how it will end. One of my children will unplug my life support to charge their phone.

Spotted on Slack:

My teen is asking for noise-cancelling headphones like I’m going to give him the gift of ignoring me better.

Trending via Facebook:

A real smartphone would know when to shut up.

Live now on Threads:

I just borrowed some money from a cash app, now I’m about to uninstall it.

Trending via TikTok:

What a time to be alive! (Derogatory)

Spotted on Slack:

The only ex I cheated on is my exam.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

The same mosquito kept biting me last night. It probably thought it was at a wine tasting.

Just landed via Telegram:

When I was in elementary school, we learned about a shape called a rhombus, and that was the last time I ever heard about that shape ever again.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Funny restraint quotes

New funny restraint quotes 👇

I feel like my greatest accomplishment today has been not saying what I’m thinking out loud.

Sometimes my greatest accomplishment is keeping my mouth shut.

A chocolate advent calendar is a test of restraint that I simply do not have.

All funny restraint quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨