Commentary:
Sure, let me help you straight into a comedy show! 😂🤦♂️
1272 Funny sarcasm quotes
Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.
Commentary:
I prefer my mornings caffeinated, not incarcerated! ☕️😆🔨
Yeah, bro, she’s probably just not using her phone right now, for the first time ever in her whole life.
Commentary:
When your phone gets more screen time than a Hollywood blockbuster 😂📱🎬
Word on the street is that the fire in your heart is out.
Commentary:
Sounds like it's time to call the heart department for a rekindle 🔥❤️🚒
Shutting up is gluten-free. Maybe add that to your diet, princess.
Commentary:
What a deliciously silent idea! 🥐🚫🤐👸
I’m sorry, being on social media gave you the impression I’m a social person.
Commentary:
When social media is your only social skill 🤷♂️😂 #KeyboardWarrior
Nice tweets, bro. What medications are you on?
Commentary:
Sounds like your tweets got more personality than my laundry hamper! 😂🧦 #TweetTherapist
Wish I could get paid just for being a sweetheart.
Commentary:
If being a sweetheart paid the bills, I'd be lounging in a heart-shaped mansion by now! 💖💸
Life update: it’s getting worse.
Commentary:
Trying to adult: crashed the economy, lost my socks, and apparently broke the universe too. 🤷♂️🧦💥
Your ex is probably in a relationship, thinking about you.
Commentary:
Well, it looks like you’re getting free headspace while they're paying rent! 😆🧠💭