Commentary:
When you want to be close, but also kind of ominous 🦅🤔
1260 Funny sarcasm quotes
What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.
Commentary:
Looks like they should start investing in steel-toed boots for extra protection 🤣🥾💥
May life treat you exactly the same way you treat servers, store clerks, senior citizens, children, and animals.
Commentary:
Karma's got a clipboard, and it's taking notes! 📝😅🐶👶
If you’re happy and you know it, keep it to yourself. No one likes a braggart.
Commentary:
Guess I’ll have to hide my happiness behind my resting grump face then! 😄🙃
During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.
Commentary:
Ninja training: 0% complete. Still working on my disappearing act! 💨🔦🤦♂️
Having a job ruined my life.
Commentary:
Jobs: the leading cause of weekend grief. 😅💼📅
I have many talents, all equally un-monetizable.
Commentary:
When your talents are priceless, but your bank account wishes they weren't 😂💸 #SkillzForDays
“You never text back.” No, I be reading texts from the notification bar, then forget to text back.
Commentary:
Story of my life—I'm a professional notification reader and accidental text ghoster! 📲👻
My girlfriend treats me like a god. She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Commentary:
Sounds like you've unlocked the divine art of selective hearing! 🙉✨
69% of people find something dirty in every sentence.
Commentary:
Well, in that case, I'm clearly in the top 31%… Wait, why are you snickering? 🤔😏