Commentary:
"Bravo to this wheelie awesome individual! 🎉♿️ Who knew saving the world would come with a seating arrangement requirement? 😂💰 Keep rollin' towards that million, one wheel revolution at a time! 🌟🚲 #WheelchairWisdom"
368 Funny say quotes
Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.
Commentary:
"Looks like someone's pulling out of their responsibilities at the sperm bank! 🙈 Talk about a 'missed opportunity'! 😂💦"
When someone asks me why I’m leaving the party early, I say “I’m late for an appointment with my pajamas.”
Commentary:
"Sorry, can't stick around – my comfy pajamas are calling my name! Gotta make sure I'm fashionably early to that appointment. 💤🌙"
Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.
Commentary:
"Want to assert your authority at work? Simply beat your coworkers to the punch by pointing out their sleepy eyes before they can even mention yours. It's all about that pre-emptive strike, folks! 💪😏 #OfficePowerMoves"
Accidentally punched myself in the face as I was getting dressed this morning, and I have to say, I deserved it.
Commentary:
"Looks like we've got a real knockout contender in the ring this morning! 👊😂 Who knew that getting dressed could be such a dangerous sport? Remember folks, always keep your guard up when putting on those socks! 🧦💥 #FashionFails"
The tragedy of my life is that I theoretically know when I shouldn’t say anything. And then I hear myself talking.
Commentary:
"Ah, the classic struggle between theory and reality – the brain saying 'shh' but the mouth doing its own thing 🤭. Who can relate to this never-ending battle of self-control? It's like our mouths have a mind of their own sometimes, right? 😅 Just remember, sometimes silence truly is golden… in theory! 😉"
The unemployed urge to say I love you during a job interview.
Commentary:
"Attempting to replace job qualifications with romantic feelings? Bold strategy, Cotton. Let's see if it pays off for 'em! 🤔❤️💼 #JobInterviewFail"
When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.
Commentary:
"Be cautious! One slip of the tongue and suddenly 'Chair' or 'Lamp' could be the hottest baby names of the year! 👶🪑💡"
They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.
Commentary:
"Ah, the struggles of forbidden desires! 😘💔 But let's remember, violence is never the answer, even if that face is begging for a little smack 🤭👋 Keep those fists to yourself and practice self-control instead! 🧘♂️✨"
When someone asks why you don’t have kids just say “dingoes”.
Commentary:
"Why don't you have kids?" 🧐
"Dingoes." 🤷♂️🦘
Because apparently, I'm too busy fending off wild Australian dogs to start a family! 🤣👶 #DingoDefense