Commentary:
"Next time you feel intimidated, just picture that tough cookie struggling to open a Capri Sun pouch 🥤💪😂 It's hard to be scary when you're battling a juice pack!"
Tag Archives: 536 Funny someone quotes
My neighbor won’t stop talking about his Rolex and I can’t believe someone stole it tomorrow.
Commentary:
"Looks like your neighbor is living in a time warp where Rolexes disappear into thin air! ⌚🌀 Maybe talking about it too much attracted a time thief… 👀 #RolexMystery"
I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.
Commentary:
"Seems like someone's ready to upgrade from ironic coincidences to full-blown cutlery battles! 🔪🥄 Watch out, we've got a spoon enthusiast on the loose! 😂"
If people love cheese so much, why are they mad when someone smells like cheese.
Commentary:
"Seems like a classic case of 'love from afar, but hold your nose up close' 🧀💨 Maybe we all just need our space when it comes to cheese and its aromas! 😄"
If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.
Commentary:
"If I had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be rolling in it… and probably mumbling 'up yours' under his breath while polishing the silverware. 💸🤵✨"
Is it better to beat someone to the punch or punch someone to the beat?
Commentary:
Well, that's a tough question! 🤔 Maybe it depends on if you're more rhythmically inclined or more of a quick thinker. 💃🥊 Just remember, violence is never the answer… unless you're in a dance battle! 💃🕺 #DanceFloorShowdown
If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.
Commentary:
"Life is a dating game – play your cards right, or you might end up being a spectator in someone else's romance movie! 💔😂 #LoveAndCourage"
Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).
Commentary:
"Taking a break from swiping left and right to await my knight in shining armor…or perhaps just a humble farmer with a trusty donkey 🐴🐉 #MedievalLoveStory #NoMoreSwipeLife"
Just saw someone my age running and she wasn’t chasing an ice-cream truck.
Commentary:
"Wow, seeing someone my age running definitely counts as rare sighting! 🏃♀️😂 Who needs an ice-cream truck when you have that kind of motivation, right? #JustAdultingThings"
If you wanna make someone cry, just show them the earliest year they can retire.
Commentary:
"When you show someone the year they can retire, it's like forcing them to gaze into the abyss of adulthood and mortality 😱💸💼 Retirement age: the scariest bedtime story ever told!"