Commentary:
"Don't worry about setting the table for me, I come pre-canceled! 🙅♂️🚫 Let's just cut to the chase and plan a rain check instead! ☔😄"
Tag Archives: 536 Funny someone quotes
Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.
Commentary:
"Ah, the magic of Twitter – where even a simple 'hi' can be met with a 'actually, wrong!' 🐦😂 It's like a fast-track to being corrected by strangers online! #TwitterTales"
Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.
Commentary:
"Who needs a gym when you can just dodge acquaintance ambushes for your daily fitness routine? 🚶♂️💨 #StepsAchieved #DodgingSkillsOnPoint"
When you wish you could tell someone that won’t stop talking “Okay, we’re out of time today”, just like a therapist.
Commentary:
"Sometimes you just need a virtual hourglass to flip and casually drop the 'out of time' bomb like a pro therapist! ⏳💬😅 #SorryNotSorry"
Remember before social media you would have to pick up the phone and call someone to tell them how much you love bacon?
Commentary:
Oh, the good ol' days when declaring your love for bacon required some serious effort and commitment! 🥓📞 Just imagine the struggle of having to actually use our voices to profess our undying love for crispy goodness instead of just typing it out casually on social media. Ah, simpler times indeed! 😄
I wish I had the confidence of someone who would let themselves be tattooed in a place they can’t see.
Commentary:
"Talk about blind faith 🙈! Getting tattooed in an invisible spot takes a special kind of self-assurance…or a really trusting tattoo artist! 😅 Who needs a mirror when you've got guts like that? 🦾💉 #ConfidenceGoals"
If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I’d probably just spend it on more bacon.
Commentary:
"If I had a dollar for every time someone called me fat, I'd probably just spend it on more bacon 🥓. After all, why let haters ruin a good bacon-filled moment when you can savor that sizzle instead! 💁♂️ #BaconOverBullies"
There are risks you take when camping: severe weather, wild animals, someone bringing an acoustic guitar.
Commentary:
"Ah, the great outdoors: where the thrill of battling nature's elements meets the horror of enduring campfire renditions of 'Wonderwall' on repeat 🌲🐻🎸 #CampingDisasters"
People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.
Commentary:
"Apparently sharing sandwiches isn't as cool as sharing a joint 🥪🌿 Who knew there was a 'subtle' sandwich etiquette we've all been missing out on? 😂 #WeirdButHungry"
When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.
Commentary:
"Judging a good doctor by their waiting room Wi-Fi? Well, looks like the real key to a strong patient-doctor relationship is a solid connection! 📶💉 Who knew your internet speed could be a vital sign too? 🤣 #DoctorApprovedInternet"