Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has downloaded:

No, I love darkness at 5pm and the death of a nation.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has copied:

I don’t have a welcome mat at my front door because I’m not a liar.

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

People who don’t talk to themselves are the weird ones.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has shared:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Every frozen pizza is a canvas that needs an artist’s touch.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

Me, at the intervention: “Ah look, all the reasons I drink gathered in one place.”

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Home is where you’ve left the shopping list.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Dec 31, 2025

3,243

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Snapchat:

They’re called grown-ups because they groan every time they get up.

Making waves on Facebook:

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Just shared via Instagram:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Live now on Reddit:

I’ve taken a long, hard look at myself. I won’t be doing that again.

Live now on Snapchat:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

Going viral on Facebook:

Crazy how every smart person recommends going for walks.

Freshly posted on TikTok:

When I tell you “I’m open to feedback” I’m telling you to be nice to me or I’ll resort to violence.

Just landed via Slack:

Not again. I mean good morning.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Why can’t the house clean itself? It seems to get dirty by itself.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

They should invent a man who is being genuine when he says things to me.

Funny stretch quotes

Funny stretch quotes 🤸‍♂️ bring laughter and lightness to those everyday moments when your body just needs a little wiggle! Whether you’re reaching for the sky or battling the mid-afternoon slump, these witty words will stretch your smile as much as your limbs 😄✨. Get ready to giggle, relate, and maybe even strike a pose that says, I’ve got this… or at least I’m trying! 😂🧘‍♀️

New funny stretch quotes 👇

I’m ready for the exciting last 30 seconds of the basketball game, which stretch into 25 minutes of fouls, time-outs, and commercials.

0

2 months ago

25, 30, basketball, commercial, commercials, delay, excitement, exciting, foul, game, humor, last, minutes, ready, seconds, sports, stretch, time-out
My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

0

2 months ago

back, band, body, elastic, elastic band, humor, i, matter, nap, position, relaxation, stretch
Needing to stretch is so funny. Your body is like “Ughhh, make me longer!”

0

2 months ago

activity, body, humor, longer, me, physical, physical activity, self-care, stretch
Welcome to your 50s, there’s a wrong way to stretch now.

0

4 months ago

50s, age, aging, fitness, humor, middle, middle age, stretch, stretching, welcome, wrong
I told my computer I needed a break, now it sends me reminders to stretch while I’m lying on the couch.

0

5 months ago

break, computer, couch, humor, i, lying, me, procrastination, reminder, stretch, technology, told, while

All funny stretch quotes & images can be used for free for non-commercial purposes 👌

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on TikTok this month:

Old and bitter feels much better than I thought it would.

19 shares on Reddit this month:

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

27 shares on Snapchat this month:

When someone has “Do Not Disturb” on, it’s like, oh, okay, I didn’t realize the great philosopher was in their hour of seclusion. Pardon me for even daring to enter their precious mind palace.

44 shares on Instagram this month:

Please don’t dm me with the intention of dating me. You deserve less.

17 shares on Pinterest this month:

I probably never die because I don’t finish anything without a specific deadline.

82 shares on Slack this month:

You don’t know your own leg strength until you’re kicking the end of a hotel tucked bed sheet.

73 shares on Reddit this month:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

21 shares on YouTube this month:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, please put some money in its pocket.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I was googling about the best time to visit the Maldives. It’s when you have money.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

He doesn’t realize it yet, but this Saturday, I’ll be asking him to untangle 400 feet of Christmas lights.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Sure, breakups are hard, but have you ever had to wait for your phone to stop ringing so you can start using it again?

12 folks are currently checking 👀

A gentleman always straightens out the vending machine after shaking it.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Inflation is actually a good thing, it means money is going viral.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I miss when The Weeknd was making sex-addict-on-drugs music.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,488

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

Drugs and alcohol take years off your life and give them to Keith Richards.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has bookmarked:

If I were a bird, I know who I’d poop on.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

The best way to describe this year is to say it feels like a year of Mondays.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has copied:

If all men are the same, why does it take women so long to choose one?

Someone from 🇮🇶 has bookmarked:

There’s literally no law that says you can’t put your friends down as your references and pretend they were your boss at an old job. Literally, there’s no law that says that.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has copied:

Roses are red, I’m staying in bed. I’ve made no plans, besides pretending I’m dead.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has bookmarked:

Some things are better left alone, like me, for instance.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has downloaded:

Many people love saying, “Get these away from me,” after eating a few chips.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

The real reason for global warming is that today’s young people are nowhere near as cool as we were back then.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It doesn’t matter how old you get, buying snacks for a road trip should always look like an unsupervised 9-year-old was given $100.

Shared recently on YouTube:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

There’s a word in modern Hungarian slang, egérmozi, which describes watching films (or shows) on your phone. It means “mouse cinema”.

Just landed via Threads:

An eye exam where the optometrist makes you read a menu under dim lights.

Just landed via Reddit:

I really love how squirrels get extra chubby heading into winter mostly because it’s super relatable.

Trending via Messenger:

Everyone wants a drunk text until I’m doing it at noon.

Going viral on TikTok:

We are so shocked by “Butthead” that we ignore the strangeness of the name “Beavis”.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

If I have to look at any more spreadsheets today, you’re gonna have to spread my ashes.

Shared recently on Threads:

I finally figured out my lifelong dream of becoming a human blanket, but my friends still call it napping on their couch.

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