Trending Funny Quotes 👇

  • My husband said we need to start exercising and get into shape, so I’m going to wake up early tomorrow and start looking for a new husband.
  • What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.
  • Thank you two-step authentication codes that expire after 60 seconds for providing Mission Impossible-type drama into my mundane suburban existence.
  • If you don’t believe aliens walk amongst us, who else could write such unnatural dialogue in pharmaceutical commercials?
  • I like to listen to the national anthems during the award ceremonies. I’m into country music.
  • All women want is to consistently annoy one handsome man forever.