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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇾🇪 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me and i’m just over here doing a much better job at hating myself than any of y’all could do.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has bookmarked:

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has bookmarked:

What wine pairs well with the kids being stuck inside during a heat wave?

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

Can someone call my keys? I forgot where I put them.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

They monitor me harder than Britney Spears around here.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

We go together like coffee and cigarettes.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

Ever think vampires just lied about hating garlic, now we’re just out here seasoning ourselves for them?

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

There are people who leave comments on porn videos.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Jan 7, 2026

3,350

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Messenger:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

Breaking via Twitch:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

Freshly posted on X:

Release that sexual frustration, get a burger.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Pro tip: Invest in pasta companies. Worth every penne.

Trending via X:

Do you think the washing machine and the dryer are actual friends or just work friends?

Going bananas on Discord:

Having a bathroom switch outside a bathroom and a sibling is a bad combination.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Long sandwiches should have suitcase handles.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Welcome to your late 40s! From now on you will no longer be in “good health” but in “good health for your age”.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Oh my God, “unc” means uncool. I thought it meant uncle. Like you’re carrying the energy of someone’s weird uncle.

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

2 months ago

0

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Whoops, looks like someone got caught in a sticky situation! 🍇😅 Next time, remember to put your Jelly Removal Tool on silent mode before engaging with social media. Just a sticky reminder to stay vigilant against tech mishaps! 💬📱 #JellyDrama

accident, distraction, food, humor, i, jelly, mean, media, mistake, phone, social, social media, tweet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You should be able to like an email instead of replying to it.

0

4 months ago

able, button, communication, email, humor, like button, media, productivity, reply, replying, should, social, social media, technology
Every house has a smell that only the people living in it don’t smell.

0

2 months ago

every, family, house, humor, irony, living, only, people, perception, smell
There is sex without love, there is love without sex, and there is me without both.

0

2 months ago

absence, humor, irony, loneliness, love, me, relationship, sex
I always bring luggage when visiting my mom because I know she’ll send me on a guilt trip.

0

2 months ago

always, bring, family, guilt, humor, i, joke, know, luggage, me, mom, parenting, relationships, sarcasm, send, shell, travel, trip, visiting
In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

0

2 months ago

20s, 40s, age, around, bedtime, forty, fun, humor, jingle, nightlife, party, ten, twenty
See you when you get home from school, I whisper to my kid’s apple.

0

2 months ago

after, after school, apple, home, humor, i, kid, kids, parenting, school, snack, whisper

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Threads this month:

When I’m done eating… I have to show my hands to my cat, like I’m a blackjack dealer.

79 shares on Snapchat this month:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

20 shares on Threads this month:

There’s nothing I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

78 shares on WeChat this month:

Sleep when the baby sleeps, eat when the baby eats, work when the baby works.

63 shares on Slack this month:

“Stop talking about old drama!” God forbid a girl and her bestie enjoy their history lessons.

16 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There should be a variant of fencing with two guys trying to kiss one another.

46 shares on Reddit this month:

I don’t have a yoga mat, but I have a Twister mat, and it’s the same thing.

16 shares on Discord this month:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

97 shares on YouTube this month:

Can’t, I’m pulling it together.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Hit the vape till it tastes like technology.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I have the sex drive of a potato.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m not even sure what I’m doing on this planet.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Hey, sorry I acted weird the other day. I was trying so hard to act normal that it backfired.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Don’t play with the feelings I barely have.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, getting up early just means that I had to go pee, and I couldn’t hold it anymore.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

We can’t both age regress at the same time — someone’s gonna have to push me on the swingset.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Can you lose weight by running away from your feelings?

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

239 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,508

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,508

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,577

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

I love sleeping in fishnets. Makes you feel like a big honey roast ham.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has bookmarked:

If you want to impress me with your car, it should be an ice cream van.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has shared:

I hope this email finds you in a well.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Hangman is so great. No better way for a child to learn how to spell than by having to save a man from hanging to death.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has shared:

The two most popular things to do on the internet are arguing about politics and looking at naked people. Million dollar website idea: combine both — naked people arguing about politics.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Everyone who got my kids board games for Christmas, when are you coming back to play with them?

Someone from 🇨🇷 has shared:

Peeling a sweaty sports bra off counts as aerobic exercise, right?

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

Dude so boring, it’s like his personality swiped left on him.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Reddit:

Life is giving me no lemons. It’s throwing watermelons.

Shared recently on YouTube:

You don’t become cooler with age, but you do care progressively less about being cool, which is the only true way of being cool. This is called the Geezer’s Paradox.

Trending via X:

One of my favorite parts of grocery shopping is when somebody else does it for me.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

We’ve historically done extremely well with regime change, so this should be a piece of cake.

Just shared via WeChat:

I don’t always carry all the groceries on one arm, but when I do, my keys are in the wrong pocket.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Once you understand why pizza is made round, packed in square boxes, and eaten as a triangle, then you will understand women.

Spotted on Twitch:

Sending your selfies to NASA because you’re a star.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Just shared via WeChat:

I never used to worry about death but now I’m terrified it will break my winning Wordle streak.

Going viral on Facebook:

I don’t understand why “family-run” should be a sign of quality. North Korea, for example, is also family-run and doesn’t convince me at all.

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