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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇸 has viewed:

If you finish every sentence with “as the prophecy foretold”, your coworkers will leave you alone.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

I’ve started dating myself exclusively but it’s not working out.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

Therapy isn’t enough, she needs to know people congratulated me when we broke up.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Adulting looked way more affordable in the 90’s. I feel scammed.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

Born to be a frolicker of the forest, forced to be a cog in the machine.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has shared:

Sometimes I’m just so exhausted I have to go to bed and scroll my phone for the next 2-3 hours.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has downloaded:

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

I dropped and broke my phone today. Hurt more than childbirth!

Someone from 🇵🇾 has copied:

Family guy is so insane, because why were people dating that dog?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

28 minutes ago

3,447

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via X:

A little mystery is the sweetest seduction.

Spotted on Threads:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Trending via Telegram:

Just seen the cost of funerals and no wonder people are living longer.

Seen just now on WeChat:

I get so crabby when strangers waste my time which is unfair to them because I waste almost all of my own time to begin with.

Spotted on Twitch:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Using a remote to type on a keyboard on the TV is truly one of the worst human experiences that we endure.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

I could be a masseuse, or I could just be pulling your leg.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Absolutely no reason for a single guy to be in a sunflower field. Get out of there, pervert!

Going viral on Discord:

Most divorces are caused by a spouse eating potato chips while you try to watch TV.

Live now on WeChat:

I’m at the age where I can remember things that never happened.

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Jan 20, 2025

Hi. I didn’t mean to “like” your tweet. I was scraping dried jelly off my phone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Whoops, looks like someone got caught in a sticky situation! 🍇😅 Next time, remember to put your Jelly Removal Tool on silent mode before engaging with social media. Just a sticky reminder to stay vigilant against tech mishaps! 💬📱 #JellyDrama

accident, distraction, food, humor, i, jelly, mean, media, mistake, phone, social, social media, tweet

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2316 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,478

Funny Quotes Topics

15,183

Funny Quotes Images

12,478

28 minutes ago

3,452

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

I am single, please disturb me!

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Sadly, I do my best proofreading after I hit “send.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

Your eyes water when you yawn because you miss your bed and it makes you sad.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’ve got a neighbor who’s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Good morning, especially if they tried to make you go to rehab and you said “no, no, no.”

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

My favorite things about Texas are definitely toast and chainsaw massacres.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Children will see a neatly hanging dish towel and be like oh hell no.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has copied:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Sorry I missed your call, I was staring in horror at the screen, wondering why on earth you couldn’t just text me.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Going to look at the small picture for a while. Tired of seeing the big picture. Too much picture.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I know some people don’t like me, but what can I do, not everyone has good taste.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I’m not saying Lois Lane is a bad investigative journalist, but my friend Greg didn’t wear glasses to work yesterday and I recognized him by lunch time.

Just landed via Telegram:

I have decided to purchase the grocery store because it is now cheaper than the groceries inside it.

Making waves on X:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Going viral on Threads:

I’ve realized there’s more to life than social media, so I guess this is goodbye for the next 12 minutes.

Making waves on Snapchat:

Yes, I sometimes put my cell phone down. Especially when it rings.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My greatest joy in life is when a friend reads a book I recommend. My greatest frustration in life is when they don’t read it fast enough.

Seen just now on Slack:

I believe it was Aristotle who once said “The fastest way to get your kids to stop screaming is to also start screaming.”

Trending via Facebook:

The only thing you can count on with some people is that you can’t count on them.

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