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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇿🇦 has bookmarked:

Just seen a guy with a Coca-Cola and yellow Lay’s chips. Classic combo, he knows his stuff.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Good news: I set an all time high today! Bad news: It’s my cholesterol.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

When you have bad handwriting, notes to yourself are just fun little riddles you get to solve later.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

When you turn 50, they change the lightbulb in your fridge to that memory eraser from Men in Black.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

That second wave of sleep after waking up too early.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with you.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has shared:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I didn’t want to go to work tomorrow morning.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has downloaded:

Stop checking your phone every minute. No one loves you.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has bookmarked:

Don’t listen to any thoughts about yourself if your hair isn’t washed. It’s just not true.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

Women watch Netflix with subtitles because they don’t know how to listen.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,288

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

I love when someone texts “hey,” like I’m supposed to solve the rest.

Spotted on Slack:

Why is sleeping at night so hard, but sleeping in the morning is like drifting away on a soft, fluffy cloud while Adele sings you a lullaby?

Making waves on Threads:

The ideal man is always thinking of several cool things at once (throwing a football really far, a truck with big wheels, giving a lot of high fives).

Just shared via Snapchat:

Weird me out? No. You’ve weirded me in. Let’s merge souls.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Mama didn’t raise no fool, I turned into one all on my own.

Live now on Snapchat:

Sharing wired earphones is a forgotten form of intimacy.

Live now on Threads:

Opening up is like talking to a cop: anything you say can and will be used against you.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Gwyneth Paltrow, I received the message you sent me last night in my dream and will proceed with the plan.

Just shared via WeChat:

Sharpening a pencil at the bin was the childhood equivalent of taking a cigarette break.

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

8 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous text about divine flooding with a witty, playful tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Guess God couldn't find a 'reset' button, so He went for a deep clean! 🌊🙌"

biblical, disaster, Earth, Flood, God, humor, i, joke, time, why

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

2 weeks ago

break, break in, going, house, humor, little, microwave, plate, steal, theft, thing, wheels
Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

16 hours ago

Christmas, coal, gift, humor, me, panel, Santa, small, solar, solar panel, technology, woke
Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

5 days ago

animal, fired, humor, i, job, trying, turtles, wax, workplace, zoo
I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

3 days ago

budget, financial, foods, girl, grocery, humor, just, lifestyle, shopping, Walmart, whole, Whole Foods
I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

3 days ago

creepy, dark, dark humor, desire, dreams, haunting, humor, i, menace, nightmares, obsession, playful, playful menace, run, through, want
Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

4 days ago

ball, date, food, humor, line, meat, pickup, pickup line, pun, spaghetti, want

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Time is precious, waste it wisely.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not flirting with you. I’m just funny and you think you like me.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

May the Force be with you… especially in Monday meetings.

30 shares on Instagram this month:

Nostalgia is mostly dumb nonsense, but movie rental stores were legitimately better than streaming.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

When I die I want people to say “Hmm, I didn’t know you could die like that.”

25 shares on Instagram this month:

Ever since I was little, I knew I wanted people to watch how they speak to me.

74 shares on Slack this month:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you miss your wife enough.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

46 shares on Discord this month:

It’s time for basic human empathy to make a comeback.

14 shares on WeChat this month:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m not bossy, I just know exactly what you should be doing.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has copied:

This place was really tidy yesterday. It’s a shame you missed it.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has downloaded:

I can be social. Today I meowed at my cat and he meowed back.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

That depressing moment when you start your car to go to work and it doesn’t explode.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has copied:

I’m not superstitious because it brings bad luck.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

What a lot of people don’t understand about mountain climbing is: don’t do that!

Someone from 🇪🇷 has viewed:

My favorite thing to do is nothing.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Don’t be ashamed of who you are, that is your parent’s job.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Twitch:

Pasta is something I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of.

Going viral on Threads:

Why would a needle be in a haystack, anyway?

Just shared via Reddit:

Tell me I’d look good in a potato sack or lose me forever.

Breaking via Messenger:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Going bananas on Facebook:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Making waves on WeChat:

My plans for today? Same as always, drink coffee and be sexy.

Just landed via Facebook:

I need an Apple Watch that tracks when my patience runs out.

Going viral on YouTube:

If they can make a nuclear reactor small enough to power a submarine, why can’t they make one for my house?

Live now on Twitch:

Peer pressure has nothing on me; all my bad decisions are made single-handedly.

Live now on YouTube:

Welcome to your 40s: you’re not exhausted, that’s just your face now.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Honestly, I can see why God flooded the Earth that one time.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I’m going to break into your house and steal that thing with the little wheels on it under the plate in your microwave.

Santa went woke and gave me a small solar panel instead of coal.

Got fired from my job at the zoo because I kept trying to wax the turtles.

I’m just a Whole Foods girl on a Walmart budget.

I want to run through your dreams and settle in your nightmares.

Are you spaghetti because I want you to meat my balls?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨