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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

The meteorologist who devised the wind chill factor has died. He was 86, but he felt like 75.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Having a crush on a girl makes you think things like, yes, let me make more money.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has viewed:

True bravery is getting a text from a woman with three questions in it, and only responding to one.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

The only downside to dating hot men is that when it ends, he’s still hot.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has shared:

If I was an elephant, you’d all be sorry.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I found my first grey pubic hair today, but I didn’t freak out; unlike everyone else in the Zoom meeting.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

If you know karate, you shouldn’t have to pay for stuff.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has copied:

NFTs were less about the money and more about the friends you scammed along the way.

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Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via X:

Checking a selfie only to find there’s a demon in the reflection behind you, and it looks significantly healthier than you.

Making waves on Instagram:

When I get tired of shopping, I sit down and try on shoes.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Girls be like, “I hate this man,” then have sex with him.

Spotted on Twitch:

The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.”

Freshly posted on Twitch:

The possibility of monsters residing underneath your bed is negated when the mattress is positioned on the floor.

Live now on Telegram:

I refuse to learn the color coding for heart emojis. Your heart means what I want it to, and vice versa.

Going viral on WeChat:

The enemy of my enemy is my friend. But I’m my own worst enemy, so I guess I’m also my best friend.

Making waves on YouTube:

The word abbreviation sure is long for what it means.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Scratching the mosquito bite on my foot? Literally orgasmic. This is the kind of stuff that the government doesn’t want you to know.

Live now on Snapchat:

That odd feeling when your lunch break is over and you still have to work for another 30 years.

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like a classic case of "Monopoly Madness"—when a friendly game night turns into a corporate takeover! 🤑🏠😂

board, board game, competition, game, humor, i, Monopoly, personality, play, someone, transformation

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55 shares on WeChat this month:

I’ve successfully reduced phone time by looking at computer more.

98 shares on X this month:

No one declines an incoming call faster than a 3-year-old watching YouTube.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

Don’t cry because it’s over. Cry because you have an extra hour to think about it.

48 shares on Telegram this month:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

42 shares on Instagram this month:

Female friendship is all about taking turns being insane. First, one of you is crazy, and the other has to counterbalance by being normal. Then, thirty minutes later, you get to trade.

14 shares on TikTok this month:

At first, big breasts were attractive, then suddenly it was big butts. I’m waiting for it to finally be big bellies.

60 shares on WeChat this month:

Sorry, I ghosted you. I liked you too much.

69 shares on Telegram this month:

I don’t wanna party like it’s 1999, I want to pay my bills like it’s 1999.

48 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“It could be drugs,” I tell myself as I buy more books.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

If you ever ask a teen to do something and they just say “sure” without arguing, check that they haven’t been replaced with an android.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has downloaded:

“Why do I feel like shit all the time?” I ask myself, while staring into the flashlight that tells me bad news.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

Home is where you can look ugly and enjoy it.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

I’m too tired to shower. Anyone want to wash my back?

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Someone from 🇧🇿 has shared:

Still can’t believe America has a federal holiday to celebrate the hit movie Independence Day.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has viewed:

Nothing says “not interested” quite like a Restraining Order.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

Every few months, the urge to eat buttered toast will possess you.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

If I were a mouse and I lived in Moscow, I would think, haha, I live in Mousecow!

Going bananas on TikTok:

My role at Thanksgiving dinner is to Blair Witch it alone in the corner.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

I’m at an age where, when I’m tying my shoes, I think about what else I can do while I’m down here.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Being alive and sentient has been the worst thing to have ever happened to me.

Making waves on Telegram:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Seen just now on Twitch:

I wish people would stop holding back and use social media to tell us how they really feel.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Dear life, when I said “can this day get any worse” it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge.

Seen just now on TikTok:

You misunderstood me. I said I was a “bawler,” not a “baller.” You know, someone who cries a lot.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I am physically, mentally and emotionally ready to enter a new phase in my life…. hibernation.

Shared recently on TikTok:

There’s a great new book on minimalism but I only read the blurb because I believe that’s what the author would want.

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Activity Log ✨

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Gyms are empty because they’re all on weight loss drugs.

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

My therapist said cutting people off isn’t healthy. She’s next.

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Telemarketer: “Hello, am I speaking to the head of the household?” Me, handing the phone to my cat: “It’s for you.”

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨