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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

The funniest thing about 28 Years Later is that the rest of the world just went “Uhm, anyway!” and carried on as normal, while the Brits live in hell.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Shout-out to the lifeguard who recommended moving the potato to the front of my Speedo.

Someone from 🇧🇭 has bookmarked:

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has bookmarked:

If I was a mythical creature, I’d be a Sighclops.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

Being single is so crazy. What do you mean there’s No One?

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

We should all start texting each other like old time explorers. ‘Dearest friend, I have survived another week. The horrors persist.’

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

A real smartphone would cut you off.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

When is a robot gonna take over my job? Please?

Someone from 🇹🇭 has shared:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

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17,765

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15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,461

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

That stupid look on my face is my face.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Lie during your job interview because they’re lying to you about their great work environment.

Making waves on Discord:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Live now on X:

I feel like I’ve skipped the whole ‘go out and have fun’ stage and went straight to being an 80-year-old woman.

Live now on Messenger:

If I’d married a wealthier man, I’d be lying on a fancier couch right now refusing to clean bigger rooms.

Trending via WhatsApp:

I don’t always say something stupid. But when I do, I keep talking and make it worse.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

I always carry a knife with me in case I run into someone with 10,000 spoons.

Spreading quickly via Messenger:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Breaking via Discord:

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

Shared recently on Instagram:

If sex was real, I think I would’ve had it by now.

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
Sounds like a classic case of "Monopoly Madness"—when a friendly game night turns into a corporate takeover! 🤑🏠😂

board, board game, competition, game, humor, i, Monopoly, personality, play, someone, transformation

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on WeChat this month:

I love when my husband says, “correct me if I’m wrong,” like I would pass up that opportunity.

87 shares on X this month:

I bet she doesn’t even laugh at your dumb jokes the fake way I did.

41 shares on Instagram this month:

When I was a young boy, the doctor told me I had a lazy eye. By the time I was 50, it had spread to the rest of my body.

77 shares on X this month:

December. A desperate celebration of an end.

80 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Being a parent means hearing a noise at 3 a.m. and hoping it’s just a ghost and not your toddler getting up again.

95 shares on Threads this month:

It’s actually scary how your whole life depends on how well you did as a teenager.

94 shares on Slack this month:

In case of a disaster, women and children are being evacuated first so men can think about a solution in peace.

75 shares on Telegram this month:

Crazy part about being an overthinker is most times you right.

27 shares on X this month:

Apparently I lack empathy, according to some stupid cow in HR.

60 shares on Messenger this month:

Watching “Dirty Dancing” as a teenager: Damn right, no one puts Baby in a corner. Watching “Dirty Dancing” as an adult: This girl is a brat and needs a lesson.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

So excited to go to bed and have the worst sleep of my life, and wake up exhausted and aching.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

It’s normal that my retirement plan is 100% contingent on me finding buried treasure at some point, right?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

People don’t hate working, they hate working and still being poor.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Dear music, thanks!

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Every marriage has a personality hire, and then someone who knows how insurance works.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

Imagine being in the Trojan horse with the lads, pure darkness and giggling like hehehe

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

It’s not a competition, but if it was I would win.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has shared:

Why are people always so scared of self-checkouts when shopping? It’s much quicker and you always get something for free.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has viewed:

I’m not an idiot anymore, universe, please stop with the lessons.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has downloaded:

Reverse cowgirl, so we can both address the elephant in the room.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

Instead of writing LOL, I’m going to start writing SALTS (smiled a little, then stopped). It’s more accurate.

Shared recently on Threads:

One of the most underrated benefits of having a cat is that you get another creature to look around in confusion with you when you hear a random loud-ass noise in the middle of the night.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

I don’t think human beings were built to know everything going on in the world all the time.

Making waves on Twitch:

In general, I like company, but not when I am with my pizza.

Just shared via Instagram:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to bounce off 3 walls, knock over a lamp, and land on the floor.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I want an apartment so big, it changes the way I laugh.

Going bananas on Slack:

Sorry about my behavior as of late. I have plastic in my brain.

Trending via Facebook:

Oh, to be a rich, beautiful woman in her big car, driving to buy overpriced groceries to stock up her breathtaking kitchen in her gorgeous house.

Going viral on Reddit:

When I’m feeling old, I like to visit my parents so they can push all my buttons until I lose my shit and just like that, I’m 16 again.

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Activity Log ✨

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

Simplicity is so complicated.

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I become someone I don’t recognize when I play Monopoly.

Keep the laugh going 😂

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.

Sex is cool, but have you ever made peace with the horror of being alive.

The lion does not concern himself with social proof.

Simplicity is so complicated.

Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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