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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

Ninety percent of my new follows are beautiful women, which tells me one thing: I’ve still got it!

Someone from 🇬🇹 has shared:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Not to be dramatic, but learning how to read has ruined my life.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has shared:

No one talks about the resentment you have towards yourself after you didn’t listen to your gut.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

I’ve come to the conclusion that my guardian angel is very possessive about me.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has copied:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking that I’d have to do.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

I hate math, but I love counting money.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

When old people say, “Long as you happy,” that means you’re pretty dumb.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has downloaded:

“Are we still going?” … An introvert’s attempt to cancel.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,585

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via TikTok:

Ah yes, my abandonment issues due to all the abandonment.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

Seen just now on Snapchat:

When the grocery store moves the aisles around, you should be able to call the cops.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Scientists say humans are the most evolved, but bears get to get fat all summer and then sleep for four months, so who’s really ahead.

Just landed via Reddit:

I’m actually really good looking if you don’t look at me.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Kinda rude my neighbors live next to me.

Spreading quickly via WeChat:

The older I get, the more I appreciate people who pretend not to notice me when they see me out in public.

Just landed via YouTube:

Okay, I’ve proved I’m not a robot, now you prove you’re not a human.

Seen just now on Discord:

Group projects in school weren’t meant to teach you teamwork, they were meant to teach you how to deal with the incompetence of your coworkers in the workplace.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Sometimes I think about starting a podcast and then I remember all I do during conversations is nod.

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
This menu is like a scroll of delicious life goals! 😋📜

appetite, cravings, dining, eat, food, humor, i, love, menu, reading, stuff, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

0

2 months ago

conversation, humor, i, intelligence, intelligent, irony, least, myself, others, people, self, self-talk, talk, tell, wit
A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

0

2 months ago

annoyance, asking, curse, dark, ever, frustration, gone, humor, interruption, light, peeve, pet, pet peeve, sitting
“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

0

2 months ago

absence, humor, joke, leave, office, others, prepare, PTO, workplace
I love it when God gives me money.

0

3 months ago

God, gratitude, humor, i, love, me, money
Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

0

2 months ago

desk, fitness, humor, i, joke, labor, manual, manual labor, productivity, resume, standing, standing desk, work
You’re so productive for your wage.

0

2 months ago

efficiency, humor, productive, productivity, sarcasm, wage, work

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Instagram this month:

Music just makes living on this earth a little bit more bearable.

65 shares on Messenger this month:

If you turn your phone off for 1 day, you’ll realize it’s still 2007 outside.

81 shares on Twitch this month:

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

99 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

I forgot my password, failed the captcha and have been accused of being a robot. I don’t even know how to fight these allegations.

69 shares on Slack this month:

I’m best man at my buddy’s second wedding. Is it appropriate to open my dinner speech with “Welcome back everyone”?

77 shares on Threads this month:

Nothing is riskier than closing your eyes again in the morning for that extra minute of sleep.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish more modern politics were about trying to stop the fulfillment of an ancient prophecy.

38 shares on Threads this month:

Oh no, a login from a new device? And that device is my phone? The one that I use every single day? And the location is my house, you say? Thank you so much for warning me. I will contact Interpol.

10 shares on YouTube this month:

It’s almost time to put away my black summer clothes and bring out my black fall clothes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

Nobody seems more shocked, disappointed and dismayed than the person behind the post office counter when I arrive and say I’ve got something to post.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Whenever I go down the stairs next to an escalator, I always move faster than the escalator to prove to the people I made the better decision.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

Me: This show is really boring. Boss: Again, this a zoom conference.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

Patience and forbearance are those qualities you develop when there are too many witnesses.

Someone from 🇸🇦 has downloaded:

First they give you butterflies, then mental health problems.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Super excited for a brand new week of hoping for the best, but expecting the worst.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Hair is unwashed, so I obviously feel like I’m fundamentally unlovable.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

If I was Snow White, you wouldn’t get me with an apple. You’d have to poison a taco or something.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has bookmarked:

If it doesn’t get a like in the first two years, I delete it.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

Saw a shooting star and made a wish for everyone to stop talking to me.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Just shared via Facebook:

I’m sorry I said “I look forward to working with you” during our wedding vows.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

I don’t understand all the fuss about ChatGPT – I have teenagers who already know everything.

Spotted on X:

Go ahead and use that semi-colon; no one will know you’re doing it wrong.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

You sound smart. You some kinda ‘ologist?

Shared recently on TikTok:

What’s it called when you mentally want to be horny but you’re physically not at all?

Just landed via WhatsApp:

When two people argue online I believe whoever spells correctly.

Breaking via Threads:

Love when a doctor emails me about my “outstanding bill”. If it’s so good, why don’t you pay it?

Going bananas on Snapchat:

I think airplanes would be way cooler if the wings flapped like a bird.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

A thousand curses upon anyone who has ever gone, “Why are you sitting in the dark?” and then flipped the light on without asking.

“PTO” stands for “prepare the others” because you’re not gonna be there.

I love it when God gives me money.

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

You’re so productive for your wage.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨