I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

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America’s national anthem should be changed to Welcome to the Jungle.

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Don’t ask me why, but the older you get, the more you love coffee.

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Free marriage tip: Don’t ask your wife when dinner will be ready while she is mowing the lawn.

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The belief that software engineers are uniquely intelligent has done unimaginable damage on society.

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A lot of y’all don’t understand politics because your history teacher was the football coach.

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Many people mistake me for an adult because of my age.

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No one talks about how uncomfortable it is to ask for your own money back.

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There are two types of people at work: Those who work and those who have become pros at looking busy.

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We decided to have money instead of children.

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I suspect that you don’t lose weight during sport because of the exercise, but because you can’t eat anything during this time.