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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

I want to text this person, but I need to have shame and self-respect.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I don’t know when people started calling hot dogs ‘glizzys,’ but I hate it, and you all need to stop immediately.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

Apparently, “spite” is not an appropriate answer to “What motivates you?”

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but my doctor says I have an irreversible terminal condition called aging.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

4,055

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on WeChat:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

Just shared via Discord:

I liked the version of you from the other dimension better.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Hey, sorry I cant make it tonight. I am beset on all sides by foes.

Making waves on Snapchat:

If you’re gonna spend so much time in my head, would it kill you to tidy up a bit?

Trending via Telegram:

Oh, that’s nothing a sudden burst of completely disproportionate rage won’t solve.

Just landed via Slack:

I tried explaining crypto to my nine-year-old, and she said, “It sounds like someone is trying to sell you their imaginary friend.”

Trending via YouTube:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
This menu is like a scroll of delicious life goals! 😋📜

appetite, cravings, dining, eat, food, humor, i, love, menu, reading, stuff, want

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

1 month ago
acquire, confusion, duck, humor, metaphor, organization, putting, question, row, where
Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

2 months ago
awkward, awkward moment, cloth, date, dining, embarrassing, ever, fancy, food, good, luck, moment, restaurant, self-esteem, stain, table, table cloth, white
You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

1 month ago
email, fun, humor, office, office fun, succulent, surprise, times, usage, word, word usage, work, work email
So many mistakes to make, so little time.

1 month ago
decision, humor, irony, life, little, mistake, mistakes, opportunity, procrastination, time
It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

1 month ago
clean, clean house, effort, fitness, having, house, housekeeping, humor, lifestyle, mid-physique, much, work
God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

1 month ago
divine, expectation, frustration, God, humor, irony, just, me, paperwork, procedure, say

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has viewed:

If you think my posts are horrid, wait until you see the live stream of my colonoscopy.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

The rain is pouring. So naturally it’s a good day to eat 6 donuts.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Having Christmas off in the middle of the work week and then forcing us to go back to work the next day feels so illegal.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

My superpower is wasting time I don’t even have.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I’m slowly becoming an adult. Please make it stop.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has copied:

When your name is Jenn, people think it’s short for Jennifer, but it’s really short for Jennatalia.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

Not to brag, but my wife just described the dinner I made as “interesting.”

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

I’m at that age where I can no longer refer to other people as “elderly.”

Spotted on Telegram:

The key to happiness: 1/ order a pizza. 2/ eat that pizza. 3/ repeat!

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m either at work, going to work, coming home from work, sleeping for work, getting ready for work, or thinking about work.

Seen just now on Discord:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to staying somewhat sane in an insane world.

Just shared via Telegram:

Starting my period on election day because I’m a true patriot who bleeds for this country.

Just shared via Messenger:

Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Single bells, single bells, single all the way. Oh, what fun it is to watch those couples fight all day, yay!

Thank God my pets can’t talk. They simply know too much.

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Well, I’ve been depressed and poor, but sure, we’ll call it intermittent fasting.

You have to stay up as needlessly late as possible to make the next day as horrible and hard as possible.

Having a girlfriend is insane because you can literally text them, and they will respond.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

If I ever go missing, promise me that you won’t put my weight on the poster.

I think I can now safely say that none of my co-workers were “personality hires”.

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Babies are undefeated at debate. Their gibberish is too passionate.

Nothing brings neighbors together like a few cops cars in front of another neighbor’s house that no one likes.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Can we bring back the lost art of just hanging out at your friends house doing absolutely nothing?

Which one of you shrunk all of my jeans?

I do not want to have a career. I want to sit on the porch.

The worst part of a fender bender is having to get out of your car and meet a new person.

“Quit” is not in my vocabulary but “resign”, “drop out”, and “give up” are.

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I love reading a menu. Look at all this stuff I want to eat.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Where do we acquire the ducks that we’re supposed to be putting in a row?

Fancy restaurants are self-esteem destroyers because good luck not leaving an embarrassing stain on the white table cloth. Ever.

You’d be surprised how many times you can use the word succulent in a work email.

So many mistakes to make, so little time.

It’s unbelievable how much work goes into having a mid-physique and a relatively clean house.

God: “You can’t just say ‘Goddammit!’ and expect Me to damn it. There’s a procedure. File the paperwork.”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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