Commentary:
"Sorry, I can't go out with you. My heart belongs to a virtual man who never interrupts me when I'm talking 😏💔🤖 #RelationshipGoals"
New funny quotes ✨
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My secret talent is turning any situation into a considerably more awkward one.
Commentary:
Oh, so you're the master of awkwardness, huh? 🙈 Who needs a superpower when you can create awkward moments on demand? Your friends must love the rollercoaster of cringe you take them on! 🎢😅 Just remember, every awkward situation is just a hilarious story in the making! Keep spreading that awkward charm! ✨
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The only talent I have is spending more than I bring in.
- What’s a good career for people with no motivation or talent?
- There’s a disconnect between the decibel level of my car singing and my talent.
- That awkward moment when someone keeps watching you while you are eating.
- I love making the whole conversation so awkward that the most anyone can say after is “so yeah…”
Commentary:
"Who, me? Oh, just hanging out, having deep conversations with the squirrels 🐿️ and debating life's mysteries with the pigeons 🐦. Stability level: expert 🤪🐾 #AnimalWhisperer"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- There are people who know when to reply all and when not to reply all, and none of them work at your company.
- Talking to animals doesn’t make you crazy, hearing them talk back does.
- Forget sexy talk. I want breakfast talk. Describe those waffles to me nice and slow.
- Anytime a guy says “that’s what she said” always reply with “yeah, but not to you”.
- Sometimes I think I should talk to my colleagues more often. Until I talk to my colleagues.
Commentary:
Ah, the eternal struggle of push-pull doors – the ultimate test of our IQ! 🚪💭 It's like a never-ending dance between you and the door, with one step forward and two steps back. Just when you think you've got it figured out, it sneaks up and surprises you! Maybe we should start a support group for fellow "door challenged" individuals! 😂🤦♂️🚶♀️ #PushPullPro
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- I don’t always push on pull doors but when I do, I do it two or three times to confirm how dumb I really am.
- Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.
- Imagine hating me and I’m just here trying to push a door that says pull.
- Confession: If you’ve ever been in a revolving door with me, I was only pretending to push.
- My motivation and me: It’s complicated.
Commentary:
"Feeling like your brain is a browser with a hundred tabs open? 🧠💻 Welcome to the chaotic world of multitasking where every tab seems to be playing a different sitcom episode! 🤪 Remember to save your progress before your brain crashes! 😂 #MultitaskingMadness"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- My brain has too many tabs open.
- Does your life really flash before your eyes or is it just your brain closing all open tabs one last time.
- My mind is like my web browser. 19 tabs are open, 3 are frozen and I have no idea where the music is coming from.
- Some people can start a task and then just finish it instead of trying to do a hundred things at once, like a squirrel on crack.
- Hello bedtime my old friend, my brain is laughing once again.
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Exercise won’t cure your depression, but it can make you hotter than your enemies.
Commentary:
"Who needs revenge when you can just outshine them with those killer muscles? 💪😏 Exercise: the ultimate enemy-destroying weapon with a side of endorphins! 🏋️♂️🔥 #SweatinNotStressin"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Only thing that can cure my depression is $500 million.
- I don’t want to do exercise, but I want to have done exercise.
- Everything I like is either expensive, illegal, or wont text me back.
- Working on my harmonica skills so those around me can both hear and feel my depression.
- November is for turtlenecks and depression.
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Savannah is one of the only girl’s names that’s also a significant “biome”.
Commentary:
"Savannah: where the name is as wild and vast as the actual biome itself! 🌿🦒 Just remember not to confuse a girl named Savannah with the grassy plains of Africa 🤪 #NameAndNature"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- The Bachelor is like “Meet Savannah from Brooklyn, Madison from Savannah, Brooklyn from Madison”
- I see 1000 girls. I know 100 girls. I talk to 10 girls. I love 1 girl. And she doesn’t love me back.
- Never vacuuming so I don’t disrupt my carpet’s natural micro biome.
- I would like you to meet my significant other. Her name is Cheese.
- People keep wishing January was over like the worst month of the year isn’t coming up next. Thats like wishing someone would stop arguing with you and just punch you in the face.
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The potholes in my city will change your radio station and unlock the doors.
Commentary:
"Who needs a fancy car alarm when you have the ultimate automatic radio DJ and valet service provided by the potholes in town? 🕺🚗🎶 Just sit back, relax, and let the roads take care of your car's entertainment and security needs! 😂 #PotholePerks"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- First date idea: unlock and switch phones with the other person for exactly two minutes and if no one is horrified then the date continues.
- It’s not true that I had nothing on. I had the radio on.
- Not only do I turn down my radio to find a house or a parking spot, but I also take off my sunglasses to hear someone better.
- Airlines when they need to change your flight: here’s a complimentary napkin. Airlines when you need to change your flight: that’ll be $8700.
- Some people change their faces like traffic lights change their lights.
Commentary:
"Imagine getting into the most epic debate ever while brazenly wearing mismatched socks and slurping spaghetti 🍝! Talk about multitasking at its finest! 😂"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- lol is punctuation and LOL is laugh out loud.
- My wife almost fell down the stairs today and that got us into a heated argument whether my gasp was out of concern or excitement.
- I would rather lose you than the argument.
- Never go to bed angry. Stay up and finish the argument like an adult.
- If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”
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The worst part of my grandfather’s dementia was slowly watching him forget about Dre.
Commentary:
"Ah, the real tragedy of forgetting about Dre – Grandpa missed out on bopping his head to the beats and dropping it like it's hot 🎧🕺 Who knew memory loss could be so dis-Dre-ssing! Keep the chronic memories alive, folks! 😂"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Watching as gravity slowly unfriends you.
- Parents may forget many things, but they never forget who brought the noisy toys into the house.
- It’s strange that watching paint dry is considered boring but going to an art gallery is considered interesting. That’s just watching paint that’s already dry.
- Call a girl beautiful 1000 times and she won’t notice. Call her fat once and she will never forget. That’s because elephants never forget.
- I never forget to eat, but I do eat to forget.
Commentary:
"Ah, the eternal 'work in progress' anthem – more like a masterpiece in procrastination! 🎨😂 At this rate, they'll have a full gallery of not-so-masterpieces in no time. Keep up the non-work, folks! 👩🎨💼"
Related Funny Quotes 🤝
- Not me out here checking the growth progress of my potted flowers only a couple hours after I planted the seeds in the first place.
- The best part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work. The worst part of being a bomb technician is that you can never have a bad day at work.
- Why would I work from home when I don’t even work from work?
- Please don’t ask me about my dream job. I would never work in my dreams.
- The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.