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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇮 has downloaded:

I’m not saying I’m messy, but if Copperfield knew what I can make disappear, he’d be jealous.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has downloaded:

I wish I had a pair of skinny genes.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has shared:

If adulting had a return policy, I’d use it immediately.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has downloaded:

If you say something while exhaling smoke, it is 10 times more profound.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

Sitting in an antique chair is weird, like this thing has seen so many butts.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has bookmarked:

If my trainee says “oh God” one more time, he’s going to meet him.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

Cleaning the rocks of the earth one load of my kids’ laundry at a time.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

I have some fart jokes I’ve been holding in.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has copied:

The fastest mammal on earth is the smartass on the web.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,250

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Messenger:

Before social media, you had to actively go out and find crazy people.

Just landed via WeChat:

I wish there was a nicer way to say “my natural tendency to spot patterns is making me feel very uncomfortable about you”.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Things can feel really overwhelming. Sometimes days or even weeks can get really hectic. Don’t forget that life is all about getting as much phone time as possible. Never lose sight of that.

Shared recently on YouTube:

If you add orange juice to Jason Momoa, you get a Jason Mimosa.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Looking for someone to take to couples therapy and see how long it takes the therapist to notice we don’t know each other.

Spotted on WeChat:

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

Trending via Discord:

You cannot hurt me. You are not a hip-height table corner.

Seen just now on Facebook:

We were having tea with my mother-in-law the other day and out of the blue she said, “I’ve decided I want to be cremated.” I said, “Alright, get your coat.”

Spotted on WeChat:

I do not like how Netflix threatens to start the movie while I’m just tryna read the description. Like, please, you’re making me anxious.

Just shared via Twitch:

As soon as the sun comes back out, I want a beer. It’s science.

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

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Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.
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Commentary:
Sounds like someone took "puppy love" a bit too literally! 🐶😂

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Telegram this month:

Much like lasagna, I’m just held together by cheese at this point.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

70% of marriage is yelling “What” from a different room.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

77 shares on Instagram this month:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

48 shares on YouTube this month:

“Why are you so quiet?” Because I’m barely even here.

19 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

“This was on sale!” is why I’m always broke.

96 shares on YouTube this month:

The longest drum solo was 10 hours and 26 minutes and was performed by the child sitting behind me on a flight from LA to Tokyo.

43 shares on Reddit this month:

Of course I look tired, it’s hard pretending to be awake.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I could win awards for having a bad memory. In fact, I probably did. How would I know.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

If caterpillars are able to sleep for a long time and come out prettier, why cant I?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

“You’re not allowed to be grumpy on a Friday, it’s in the fine print somewhere.”

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Asking my boyfriend if he would still date me if an alien had done experiments on me that killed me but, as a gesture of kindness, replaced me with a perfect replica, and he was the only one who knew.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s important to remember that even parents make mistakes. In fact, it’s how many of us became parents.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to think I was indecisive, but I’m not so sure anymore.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

We all know that mirrors don’t lie. I’m just very grateful that they don’t laugh.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Due to rising prices, Dollar Tree is changing their name to ‘Tree Fiddy’.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

After you’ve been married a long time, you become able to communicate nonverbally. At least, I’m pretty sure that’s why we never speak.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

My watch battery is fully charged. So I got some time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,270

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

Them: “Ugh, could you be more annoying?” Me: “Oh God, yes!”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has downloaded:

The Masters would be a lot more interesting if there were starving alligators roaming throughout the golf course.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

Unfortunately, I am not nonchalant, I will set myself on fire.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

I didn’t just turn into a grouchy old woman overnight. It took years of people letting me down, pissing me off, and dealing with idiots to get this good at it.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

The moon landing was faked. They actually went to Mars, and I can prove it.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

My rock bottom keeps refreshing.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Flirting is easy until it’s someone you actually like.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has shared:

Don’t worry, nobody noticed the weird thing you did. They’re too busy with the weird thing you said.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has downloaded:

Stop bringing shitty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

Imagine being a giraffe and having to throw up.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

“I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

Going viral on Threads:

Hate how quietly iPhones die. At 5% it should start verbally begging for its life.

Going bananas on Threads:

Some people exercise every day. Right now, I’m watching a show I don’t like because the remote fell on the floor.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

I don’t have gray hair, I have wisdom highlights.

Breaking via Snapchat:

Not to brag, but I’ve seen Barbie naked.

Spotted on YouTube:

I always take two stairs at a time, that way if I fall, it’s only half the distance.

Just landed via Facebook:

Managed to empty the vegetable drawer of the fridge before something there takes on a life of its own.

Just landed via Messenger:

This gum has my stomach convinced food is coming.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Technically, all the money I have ever spent on food has been flushed down the toilet.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

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