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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇧 has bookmarked:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has viewed:

Just blocked everyone who is not in my gang so if you’re reading this, we’re robbing a bank in 12 minutes.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

This December is not Decembering like the other Decembers Decembered.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

Sheep to the left of me. Cows to the right. Here I am. Stuck on a bus with a view.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Australia is like someone’s still playing Jumanji.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

It’s obvious now that democracy is a busted flush and that in future politicians should be selected via several rigorous rounds of Taskmaster.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has bookmarked:

Guy inventing jogging: how can I suffer, but with music?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

Wild Friday night, and by wild, I mean me and the other psychopaths at the gym.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has downloaded:

It’s freaking me out to think of how bad I’d look at the Met Gala.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

(british guy unhooking your bra) All right, what’s all this, then?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,497

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’d enjoy summer a lot more if someone came by hourly and misted me like produce.

Just landed via Messenger:

No kids at my wedding. Gonna Uber the flower girl home when she’s done.

Live now on Threads:

All pants are tear away pants if you’re strong enough.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

Before you laugh at kids who believe in Santa, remember there are grown men who believe that Cristiano Ronaldo is a better footballer than Lionel Messi.

Seen just now on Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s: you get tired from sleeping now.

Making waves on Instagram:

Love when job applications ask for my desired salary so I can choose between not being hired and being exploited for my work.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Having seductive eyes is not for the weak. I feel like Medusa.

Just shared via X:

When the past calls, don’t answer it. It has nothing new to tell you.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Hanging out with a couple and saying, “May this love never find me,” every time there’s a slight conflict.

Just shared via Slack:

In a relationship with my heated car seat.

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

0
The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.
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Commentary:
"Looks like someone is going full 'pope-less' mode 🤪🕺! Watch out, we might have a new Pope-ster in town! 🤣 #PopeProblems"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

78 shares on WeChat this month:

I never give second chances, just 10 and then goodbye.

86 shares on Facebook this month:

It’s amazing how much I accomplish around the house right before someone is coming over.

42 shares on Telegram this month:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

25 shares on YouTube this month:

I am both dumber and smarter than you think. Do not estimate me.

22 shares on YouTube this month:

I don’t like people who take drugs, for example: airport security.

70 shares on YouTube this month:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

77 shares on Snapchat this month:

The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life.

18 shares on X this month:

Nothing tests your patience like a group chat blowing up your phone.

33 shares on TikTok this month:

My handwriting got like five different fonts, depends on my mood and the pen I’m using.

41 shares on WeChat this month:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

Trending Topics 📁

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Hot Jokes 💥

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sometimes I glance over at my boyfriend, and he’s just looking at Google Maps, scrolling around.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but there’s only 365 shopping days left until Christmas.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I used to work at McDonald’s and we only told ugly people that the ice cream machine was broken. So I have bad news if you were ever denied ice cream.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If I ever say “with all due respect”, please understand that there is none.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Having a crush on someone is just having a lack of information on someone.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

Monday again. I just knew this would happen.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

50% of parenting is just trying to decide if that noise is worth walking up all of those stairs.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

My toxic trait is that I expect people to have common sense, and I get mad when they don’t.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,682

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has shared:

A good hack to make my house look clean and tidy in the evening is to turn all the lights off.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

I should’ve gotten my affairs in order before I decided to bite into this hot pepper.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

My save-for-later cart on Amazon is up to about $1.5 million dollars.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has viewed:

You should be allowed to leave work early if you are really in love.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has viewed:

“Are you busy tomorrow?” My dear, that entirely depends on the rest of the information you’re about to give me.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

I bet God still calls it Twitter.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I am a friend to all cats. Yes, even the mean ones. They have their reasons.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has bookmarked:

Having a pool is so neat. All of your friends are suddenly interested to catch up on the hottest days of the year.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

Ironic that the two ơ’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Every time I talk, it sounds like it’s my first time trying to speak.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Messenger:

My cat, who has no job and pays no rent, is apparently unhappy with his fancy new cat food, and I, for some reason, am currently on my way back to the store to rectify the matter.

Just shared via YouTube:

Twitter when Franz Ferdinand got shot would have been the best day ever.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

My brain has too many tabs open and one of them is playing music I can’t find.

Going bananas on Reddit:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Broadcasted on Slack:

There’s no sadder tableau in all of humanity than the smoker’s terrarium at the airport.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

I will restart the entire song if you talk over my favorite part.

Just landed via TikTok:

For someone who is afraid of failure, I’m very unmotivated.

Trending via Facebook:

Thank you for your password, now we are going to text you another password, then put that one in. Click ‘remember this computer’ so we can forget it.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

It’s that time of year again where I go to random restaurants to tell random women, “So this is why you cancelled our date?”, while they’re out with their significant others.

Trending via Snapchat:

Did you know there are people who go away for 3 days and only pack 3 days’ worth of clothing?

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