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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

Petition to bring back payphones in public places. I don’t want to give my kid a phone, I want to give him a quarter.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Someone from 🇳🇬 has bookmarked:

Sure, I could get off the couch today, but then what?

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

You say “multitask” like it’s a good thing.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

The only appointment I’m ever on time for is disappointment.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

Animals are 15 minutes old and already know what to do.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

The gothic urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a terrifying backstory.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I miss the days when you could simply end a phone call by slamming the receiver down angrily.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Hey (with the intention of making your fries my fries).

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,278

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

I shall have another coffee, for I am sleeping standing.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I hate starting new relationships. I gotta act like I ain’t crazy for two months.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Hey girl, are you an extraterrestrial? ’Cause your husband’s out here acting like you don’t exist.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Next time I feel incompetent at my job, I hope I remember that someone once pushed a live software update that crashed half the planet.

Spotted on Threads:

I’ll rewind a movie, get on my phone, and miss the same part.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

Halloween is the only day you can ghost someone and blame it on being festive.

Shared recently on Reddit:

It’s like 10,000 steps when all you need is a nap.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

I don’t want to sleep like a baby, I want to sleep like a cat. 14 hours, no responsibilities, zero regrets.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I will not hesitate to use dark magic on you.

Trending via Threads:

There should be a “Take Your Friend to Work Day,” so we can actually see what our friends do all day and meet the characters from all their work stories.

The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.

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The lack of a pope has got me acting wild.
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Commentary:
"Looks like someone is going full 'pope-less' mode 🤪🕺! Watch out, we might have a new Pope-ster in town! 🤣 #PopeProblems"

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Social Media Stars ⭐

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Why the hell did they name them ‘Soldier ants’ and not ‘Combatants’?

86 shares on Snapchat this month:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Being a serial killer is much like being a comedian, in that you either hit it big and get your own Netflix special, or you spend eternity popping up on shitty podcasts.

29 shares on Pinterest this month:

38% of being a dad is sitting in a car, looking at your watch, and waiting for everybody else to come out.

81 shares on Facebook this month:

A dating app for people who are shy called Mumble.

95 shares on Slack this month:

Roadtripping with my family has taught me that my marriage can withstand anything except roadtripping with my family.

16 shares on YouTube this month:

Old age comes at a bad time. Once you finally know everything, you start to forget everything you know.

41 shares on Telegram this month:

There’s going to be a full moon this Christmas! Because mixing family and alcohol together wasn’t enough…

54 shares on YouTube this month:

Welcome to your 50s, your knees will now decide when you will sit down.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

They need to invent a dishwasher with a window on it. I have to know what goes on in there.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I smile at all animals, just not the human ones.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I put on my Godzilla costume, then go to the miniature golf course to beat up the windmill.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing we need to bring back is duels.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

I thrive in a waiting room. You need me to sit in a chair and look at my phone? No worries, love, I do this at home.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Emotions? No thanks. I’m trying to cut down.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

I love when someone is like “I’m funny because I have trauma and it’s a coping mechanism” and it’s like “Okay, not to add to your trauma, but you’re not funny!”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I look like a casual, laid-back guy, but it’s like a circus in my head.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

No matter how sad you are, there is some form of potato that can make it better.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Summer: 10 minutes outside, 10 hours in front of the AC.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Having leftover pizza for breakfast is an actual blessing.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,716

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Nose so runny it just signed me up for a 10k.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

Nightmares are so embarrassing. Why is my anxiety working the night shift?

Someone from 🇲🇹 has shared:

When I eat rotisserie chicken, I like to pretend that I’m performing an autopsy.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

I keep my mind active by worrying.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has bookmarked:

Our parents just don’t know how far we rode the bikes when we were young.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. Like Wednesday.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has shared:

Laundry day is my favorite day of the week. That’s why I dress for it every day.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

In an alternate universe, sex dreams of me.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has copied:

There’s nothing worse than accidentally becoming an important person at your job.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

If you ever get locked out of your house, talk calmly to the lock. We all know that communication is the key.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

“What’s your 5-year plan?” I’ll probably go to the movies next week, I think.

Seen just now on Instagram:

I deserve a treat when I have a bad week, but I also deserve a treat when I have a good week. I simply always deserve treats.

Trending via YouTube:

Had chicken and egg for dinner because I wanted to eat the whole family.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I wish I could join, but I’m busy plotting revenge because my kids laughed when I showed them I can shake it better than Shakira.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I was going to learn to play the violin, but it was too much of a commitment. I wanted something with no strings attached.

Just shared via WeChat:

Ghosting is disrespectful unless it’s me doing it.

Spotted on WeChat:

They should invent a weekend that goes by slowly.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

I am so full of love and anger, like a lava lamp.

Shared recently on Discord:

The universe clearly isn’t working as it should so someone should turn it off and back on again.

Live now on Messenger:

I wanna date one of those guys who really loves their girlfriend.

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