The only difference between hungry and horny is where you insert the cucumber.

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Girlfriend is temporary, ex-girlfriend is forever.

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I am “We read the newspaper front to back every single day,” years old.

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Painted a big H in my garden to see if I can trap a helicopter. Wish me luck!

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Yoda, seeing himself in 4K: HDMI

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I’m upset that my parents never got rich enough for me to become a socialist.

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I can’t tell if I need coffee, a hug, or to just go live in the woods forever.

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Getting older means talking to less people and complaining about more people.