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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

My toxic trait is binging a show too fast, then getting sad when I have nothing to watch.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has shared:

I tiptoe near my medicine cabinet because I don’t want to wake my sleeping pills.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

One person’s logic is another one’s “what the heck?”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I need a long hot meteor shower.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I can’t believe that it’s our turn to give money to our nephews and nieces.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

If you’re going to stare all night and not say hello, do you mind taking your fingers and squishing my head from across the room?

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

If Stranger Things was British, it would be called ‘Bit odd, innit?’

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

If you send a man to war today, he’s gonna go there and take dark exposure aesthetic pics.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Instead of saying “Good morning,” my wife and I go straight into explanations of how badly we each slept.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,706

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Telegram:

“You’re so quick to cut someone off!” God forbid a girl actually has self-respect.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My dad told my sister’s new boyfriend to stand at the end of the picture so he can crop him out whenever she dumps him.

Live now on LinkedIn:

“Listen to your body!” Okay, well, my body wants to lay down and eat snacks all day.

Live now on Reddit:

When people say I don’t mean to brag, they’re bragging about not bragging.

Spotted on TikTok:

How old were you when you realized others couldn’t see the matrix?

Spotted on Discord:

Can we get some A.I. to pick plastic out of the ocean, or do all the robots need to be poets?

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Trending via Facebook:

I don’t always listen to Metallica, but when I do, so do my neighbors.

Seen just now on Messenger:

I was born a boy, but according to the packaging, I identify as a family of four.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Washing your face is actually multitasking because you are also washing your hands and forearms and shirt and countertop and feet and floor and hair.

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
With friends like these, who needs mystery novels? 😂🤐💀

dark, dark humor, dead, death, humor, keep, keeping, only, people, secret, secret keeping, three, trust

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

0

2 months ago

humor, moment, motivation, perfect, perfect moment, procrastination, self-improvement, stop, timing, waiting
Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

0

3 months ago

asking, compatibility, date, dating, dinosaur, favorite, first date, humor, question
Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

0

4 months ago

confidence, dominance, dropping, flirting, humor, panty, relationship
“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

0

2 months ago

feeling, honesty, humor, ok, question, response, sarcasm
Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

0

2 months ago

another, chilling, comedy, entertainment, guess, humor, increase, Netflix, only, price, price increase, streaming, subscription
In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

0

2 months ago

airplane, airplane safety, card, credit, credit card, emergency, event, head, humor, inflate, jacket, joke, landing, life, life jacket, over, place, safety, swipe, water, water landing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

87 shares on TikTok this month:

Please no more relationships that are supposed to be a lesson. I’m already quite the scholar.

46 shares on WeChat this month:

I wish companies would use pictures of models looking frazzled and exhausted on their websites, so I can get a real idea of what their clothes will look like on me.

11 shares on Discord this month:

I’ve never been kissed under the cameltoe or whatever it’s called.

73 shares on Threads this month:

This is about the time of year where my enthusiasm about shoveling snow turns into “it will probably melt on it’s own”.

25 shares on X this month:

Tomorrow isn’t promised, we need to flirt today.

12 shares on WeChat this month:

Better to be a wolf that everyone hates, than a donkey that everyone rides.

64 shares on Instagram this month:

Probably the worst thing you can do when your wife gives you a disapproving look from across the room for being on your phone is finish typing this.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

You want me to do Pilates? The thing that killed Jesus?

70 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The inventor of archery: Man, I really wanna stab that guy over there.

81 shares on Snapchat this month:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has copied:

If someone drunk texts you, appreciate it. They’ve thought of you when they can barely think straight.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

90% of the things I worry about never happen. Worrying works.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

The police said I was a ‘suspect’, but I prefer being called a ‘person of interest’.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

The heels stay on during sex because I only painted the toe nails that were showing.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has copied:

I’m not a good fit for the traditional job market because my greatest strengths are challenging authority, being self-righteous, and wanting to go home.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

One of the most amazing things in nature is that the basketball hoop is the perfect size to fit a basketball through.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

All dogs go to heaven, but I never see them in church.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Forget tequila, I’m at the age where you can wake up with a hangover from Netflix.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Serious replies to silly posts are now illegal. Go talk to your wife.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

People tell introverts to talk more and get out of their comfort zone, but no one tells extroverts to shut up to make the zone comfortable.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Twitch:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Going viral on Snapchat:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Making waves on TikTok:

If you say “Excellent choice” after somebody selects a floor in an elevator, you can usually get a pity laugh.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I held the door for an old person today and he was like, “didn’t we go to high school together” and we did.

Just landed via Facebook:

The elderberry is the wisest and most knowledgeable of all the berries.

Live now on Telegram:

Stirring up shit at the wedding by going up to random people and saying “I think it’s so brave that you’re here”.

Just shared via YouTube:

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Just landed via Snapchat:

I’m begging for a day to be added in between Saturday and Sunday.

Just shared via Slack:

I think social media is marvellous. You type your thoughts into it, and then insane people let you know if they like them or not.

Just shared via Messenger:

Imagine how loud a centipede would be if they wore tiny little flip flops.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only way three people can keep a secret is if two of them are dead.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m waiting for the perfect moment to stop procrastinating.

Asking him what his favorite dinosaur is on the first date to determine compatibility.

Establish dominance by dropping your panties first.

“Are you ok?” Of course not. Next question!

Another Netflix price increase? Guess we’re only chilling now.

In the event of a water landing, place the life jacket over your head and swipe your credit card to inflate.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨