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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

During arguments with idiots, I wish I could throw a flash bang and disappear.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has downloaded:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has viewed:

This is not an empty room, this is a very successful anti-party.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Took a bunch of Ibuprofen to keep my posts from being too inflammatory.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I want Wolverine claws. Not for violence or anything. I want them for easing my way through reality. Like opening an Amazon package.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Back in my day, we had to walk to the TV to change the channel. Uphill, both ways!

Someone from 🇱🇹 has downloaded:

Dear ads, I have the buying power of a Victorian milkmaid.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

494 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,087

Funny Quotes Topics

17,241

Funny Quotes Images

15,087

Updated

Dec 19, 2025

Users Online

3,944

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

On the one hand, I’d love to look sexy in a bikini. On the other hand, there’s cake.

Just shared via Slack:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Live now on Discord:

I am officially at the age where old people think I am young and young people think I am old.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I’ll make direct eye contact while eating a hot dog, just to make you feel weird.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

Just landed via Instagram:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Having a blocked nose really makes you appreciate the finer things in life, like breathing normally.

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Rolling credits and giggles, because even ghosts need a blooper reel 😂👻🎬

bedtime, before, blooper, comedy, end, horror, horror movie, humor, movie, relaxation, should

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

1 month ago

bagel, creativity, everything, everywhere, food, humor, joke, just, mess, parenting, son
All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

2 months ago

driving, frustration, getting, humor, irony, law, rules, traffic
I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

1 month ago

anticipation, home, humor, i, tomorrow, want, work, workday
I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

2 months ago

am, children, content, content provider, dad, dad jokes, family, father, humor, i, jokes, mean, parent, parenting, proud, proud parent, provider
The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

5 months ago

culture, holding, internet, movie, old, old movie, people, preservation, society, together, upload
My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

1 month ago

account, actually, fake, humor, identity, joke, officer, probation, probation officer, relationship, surprise

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

If I text you at 8:10, you’re supposed to reply at 8:09.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Job interviewer: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? Me: I would say my biggest weakness is listening.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

I bet the kids in Mrs. Doubtfire were surprised when found out their nanny was famous actor Robin Williams the whole time.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has viewed:

Іf you’re sad about being alone on Valentine’s Day, just remember that nobody loves you on any other day of the year either.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

Driving is great because it combines my love of sitting with my love of being mad.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Maybe Monday is more scared of us than we are of it… we don’t know.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has copied:

Middle children as adults still trying to get attention because the oldest is being dramatic and the younger child is getting away with everything.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Facebook:

Accept who you are. Unless you’re a serial killer.

Breaking via Facebook:

Welcome to your senior years, where you get mad when they rearrange the grocery store.

Breaking via Reddit:

Welcome to middle age: your chin looks lonely; here’s another one.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

When I hear the word “horror”, the first thing I think of is bills, not Halloween.

Just landed via Instagram:

My step counter doesn’t judge. For him, steps to the fridge are just as valuable as a walk.

Just shared via Telegram:

I’ve been heading in the wrong direction for most of my life, but since the earth is round, I’m just going to stick with it and see it through.

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Activity Log ✨

There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Old people like to golf every day because they are so sick of everyone’s shit and just wanna repeatedly whack something.

If only vehicles could be equipped with little blinky lights on the corners to alert other drivers the direction they wished to turn.

Once you realize I’m an idiot, my posts start to make a lot more sense.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

No one flirts better than a guy who’s not interested in you.

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

Going out with 38% battery and no boyfriend.

Sobriety: because my standards got tired of lowering themselves.

Fyi, if you like listening to “rain sounds,” they’re almost all recordings of chicken being fried.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Seaweed is great for when you want to eat pure salt but wish it had the texture of slime.

Do you think birds, once they get older, start people-watching?

Can I come over and figure you out?

Yesterday I wore something from 5 years ago and it actually fit. So proud of myself. It was a scarf, but still, let’s be positive here.

Twitter is where the broken, the used, the fighters, and the lovers gather to appreciate the twisted beauty in one another.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

How do I get one of those fake corporate jobs where I work remotely, get paid for responding to one email a day, and have a laptop on with Outlook or whatever open?

My Native American name would be Smokes Cigarettes.

Therapy isn’t about being “fixed.” It’s about being your therapist’s favorite patient.

To all the people with grammatical issues, don’t worry, I also have problems with badly timed periods.

Coworker: Hey, circling back on that thing we talked about in December. Me: Stop living in the past!

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There should be bloopers at the end of horror movies, so it relaxes you before bedtime.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

My son just turned an everything bagel into an everywhere bagel.

All these laws are really getting in the way of my driving.

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

I am the proud father of two content providers. I mean children. Two children.

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

My account is fake, I’m actually your probation officer.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

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