Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇻🇨 has viewed:

I’m so old that when I take a walk down memory lane, I get lost.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has copied:

Seeing an animal sigh is so funny to me. Like, what happened, buddy?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

This too shall pass… It may pass like a kidney stone, but it will pass.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

Men used to go to war, now they want to be the little spoon.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has shared:

God’s plan for me does not involve LinkedIn at all.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has downloaded:

I would really like to meet this “other candidate” who keeps taking all the jobs I’ve been applying to.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has shared:

Non-parents be like: I would simply instruct the toddler to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he would obey.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

My birthday wish is for everyone to ignore my birthday.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I used to be a person who couldn’t easily fall asleep, then I got divorced and now I sleep like a baby. Probably unrelated.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,571

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Humble enough to know I can be replaced, but wise enough to know ain’t nobody else like me.

Shared recently on Slack:

Whenever I have a headache, I take 2 aspirin and keep away from children, just like it says on the bottle.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

“Grey” is a better spelling than “gray” because “e” is a greyer letter than “a.” I will not elaborate.

Going viral on Twitch:

Don’t be alarmed at my semicolon usage; I’m a professional.

Seen just now on YouTube:

I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make one wool sweater. I didn’t even know they knew how to knit.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Seen just now on Slack:

Getting up early would be easier if we could keep our eyes closed.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

I just sneezed into my elbow and now I’m waiting for a preschool teacher to praise me.

Trending via Threads:

I need money, not feelings.

Just landed via Instagram:

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

This generation of men makes celibacy so easy for women.

Witty quote about men making women’s celibacy effortless, playful and humorous in tone.
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Commentary:
Why go fishing when the fish are jumping into the boats face-first? 🎣🚤🤣

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on Twitch this month:

“I’ve never done parkour, but I have chased a toddler with an open Sharpie through the house.”

54 shares on Instagram this month:

3 friends is enough. 1 for the movie theater, 1 for drinks and apps, 1 for texting concerning mental health information.

24 shares on Threads this month:

I say “long story short,” and suddenly we’re in Act III with an intermission.

40 shares on Discord this month:

People who ask “Can I call you” are so sweet. Like, obviously you cannot, but so sweet.

44 shares on Facebook this month:

I can’t wait to hit my 80s & run for Congress.

45 shares on Discord this month:

I thought Game of Thrones was a pooping contest for men.

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I’ve been reading the room for 20 minutes. It’s not looking so good.

14 shares on Pinterest this month:

When people tell me “you’re going to regret that in the morning”, I sleep until noon because I am a problem solver.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Everyone is celebrating my vegan Bolognese sauce. The secret ingredient is minced meat.

91 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Don’t let anyone tell you, you can’t do something. Show them you can’t.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

12 folks are currently checking 👀

People who often talk to themselves are more intelligent than others. At least that’s what I tell myself.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

You guys ever play a game for hours straight? You start hallucinating the sounds.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Every CVS has its own unique energy that’s powerful enough to exalt or destroy the individual.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter is the most fun you can have on the toilet.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I get ready too quickly and have to sit on the couch, fully dressed, and wait like an idiot.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m currently trying not to read anything about carbohydrates after 4pm.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Interrupt my sleep and I’ll interrupt your breathing.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Hi there, I very much look forward to letting you down.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

When your kid asks you where the other parent is, they’re really saying that they’d like to speak with the manager.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,612

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

Why can’t more dumb people be shy?

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Biblical loophole: It’s not premarital sex if you never intend to get married.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

Please pray for our son, who had to unload the dishwasher when “he just did this yesterday, and he’s tired.”

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

You know it’s bad when people start telling you that you are the strongest person they’ve ever met.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has bookmarked:

The best way to use Twitter will forever be as an observer.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has viewed:

Imagine earning a science degree then having to be a meteorologist who announces the prophecy of a groundhog.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

Losing weight is basically all about being cold 90% of the time.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Laying in a hammock is essentially saying, “I hope there are no emergencies.”

Someone from 🇸🇱 has viewed:

My favourite adult hack is when I carefully and thoughtfully put something very important away so I can’t lose it, and then I never find it again.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I forgot to turn my clocks back and, oh my God, you guys are not going to believe the stuff that happens in the next hour.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

As a sales clerk, you want to shout after some people as they leave the store: “Are you sure you’ve really REALLY touched everything?”

Going viral on Instagram:

Salsa counts as a serving of vegetables, right?

Breaking via Discord:

When I said I wanted to be held, I didn’t mean accountable.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

After being raised on Disney movies, I’m very disappointed how few adult problems can be solved by a good song and dance.

Just shared via Telegram:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Seen just now on Discord:

I hate it when someone asks me what I did yesterday. I don’t know. Breathed a lot, probably got mad at something … sighed heavily. The list goes on.

Live now on Discord:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Trending via Twitch:

I like warm weather but only to a certain degree.

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